04.03.03
I sit and watch Carol tie herself in knots on a daily basis, and while I can empathise with her situation, I don't really care anymore. I don't have the time to invest in feeling guilty about leaving her in the lurch, or sticking her with her own job responsibilities.
I do remember when Lori Ann came through the salon a while ago, and praised Carol for delegating her authority by having me do orders, inventory, and some payroll because she didn't have the time to do them, and they needed to be done. As such, I don't really understand why Lori Ann gave Carol a dressing down about me doing her work for her, and I don't think I was meant to do so. Maybe it has something to do with the corporate decision to pay Carol a set weekly amount to secure time that would normally be spent behind the chair, but should instead be spent in her office. I don't truly know.
And if Carol doesn't want to go to the manager's meeting, and she plans to step down from her managerial position, I don't think she should panic about whether or not she's going to get fired for not going to the meeting or stepping down. I think she should just not go to the meeting. End of issue. Yes, I'm sure there will be consequences, but, sooner or later everything seems to have some of those. Deciding not to go, and setting up a situation where you can't go, renders the necessity to go or not go meaningless.
I can imagine that it is incredibly difficult to go from being number one in the company for twelve years running, and then suddenly get bumped down to number six, out of the blue, by people that work in larger and more expensive salons, where they do half the work and bring in twice the money. But, I don't understand creating the hardship of being incredibly driven and competitive and then torturing yourself with the knowledge that you will never be good enough again to meet your own ridiculous standards.
Sometimes things are qualitative, and sometimes they are quantitative. Big business seems to prefer whatever makes the most money -- it isn't interested in artistic content or quality craftmanship when it comes down to the bottom line.
And most of all, none of this is my problem, I refuse to make any of it my problem, and I resent the implication by Carol that it is in fact my problem and my fault.
The mall is a ghost town in spite of anything I can do. I did not run off any of the stores, nor make them close down. I am not responsible for locating future new stores. It is not my problem.
The store refuses to advertise our presence. We have no walk-in traffic and no one seems to know we exist beyond our current clientele, which seems to be dwindling by the second. Such is the nature of a transient college town. People come and go. I can't advertise the salon any more than I already do by word of mouth, and I can't make people not move away nor change their salons. I do not have those particular super powers. It is not my problem.
Carol did not understand a lot of the required paperwork when we were taken over a couple of years ago, and when she asked for help from her supervisor, and was put on perpetual hold, she didn't press the point and repeatedly demand assistance. She just did the few things she understood, and completely let the rest slide. I offered to learn how to do everything, help her learn how to do it all, and then exist as a useful resource tool for as long as she needed help -- which should have only been a couple of months to a year. And I had the time to help. I cannot help the fact that I was rebuffed with a, "I'm the manager, and I'm the one that's supposed to know how to do the paperwork, not you!" Nor am I to blame for the fact that the big binder with the instructions on how to do everything is still sitting untouched in her office where she put it those many moons ago. It is not my problem.
The salon is falling down around our ears, and my leaving is not the cause. My leaving is the effect. I am getting out while I still can, and I can't help it if Carol insists on staying until she is forcibly removed, or until she dies of some psychosomatic, stress-based health issue. Her mental and physical health are not my problem.
I have made every effort over the last six and a half years to make things run as smoothly as possible at work. And at every corner, I was blocked, thwarted, or stymied. And that isn't my fault or my problem.
What's in your head?