askpixie.
07.20.03
Dear Pixie,
I'm more than a little distraught about the current strife in Iraq and the complacency and ignorance of many about the innocents killed, and the intentions of our administration in that region. Can you fix things? I mean, you do have special powers, right? Do they include omniscience and the ability to conduct feats of global proportions, or is it more like a "Samantha Stevens-wiggle-your-nose-and-make-somebody-be-just-wearing-underpants" kind of thing?
Thanks for any help you can give,
Keith
Keith,
Hmm. As I am sure you are well aware, I'm none to keen on the whole "let's pre-emptively attack another country nowhere near us!" style of political action, and I'm even less keen on the fact that now we're over there, and things really aren't all that much better, the locals have decided that American soldiers make for great killin'.
Regrettably, my super powers are on the blink. I mean, I've never applied for more than one job and not at least have gotten some sort of response. Clearly, if my super powers were working, I would have my choice of any of the 30+ jobs by which I have been utterly snubbed.
I only wish that I were able to conduct feats of global proportion, because while I am somewhat omniscient, no one ever listens to me until it is too late.
If I was able to control the actions of others, stores wouldn't have to have 75% off clearance tables at the end of every season, because they never would have ordered the crap that doesn't sell in the first place, and the public wouldn't miss the 75% off tables because things would be reasonably-priced enough that everyone could afford them without scrimping or holding out for a sale. Politicians wouldn't have sex scandals, Lars Ulrich would get what's coming to him, there would be no "Scooby Doo 2" or "Dumb & Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd,"and Disney would no longer let Phil Collins score their movies.
I miss the days when my powers ran more along the lines of "Pixie Martin winks at you and you have an uncontrollable urge to lose your panties," and less along the lines of being able to get the cat to stop doing bad things by giving her the evil eye a couple of times.
Maybe the laughter helps?
-- pixie
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