07.23.04
Yet another reason that I will never rule the world.
For dinner tonight, I cooked a pizza in the oven.
And, being completely incapable of waiting the two minutes for a slice to cool enough to be edible, I took a huge bite about three seconds after it left the pan's general airspace.
Which resulted in the molten cheese strata of the pizza coming into contact with the roof of my mouth, which immediately scalded and blistered as thought it had come too near the surface of the sun.
Then I ate the rest of that half of the pizza, and put the other half in the fridge.
Where I saw the fresh pineapple I'd been meaning to cut up and eat at some point before it went bad.
Which sounded pretty good right about then.
I skinned and quartered the fruit, and removed most of the core, then sat down with a couple of pieces to watch the rest of Stargate: SG1.
And after finishing the last bite of edible fruit, and chewing on the last bit of core before spitting it out like a piece of gum, I noticed it was all pink and gross looking.
So I touched the roof of my mouth with the corner of my napkin and watched it come back soaked in blood.
Possibly because the roof of my mouth was burnt raw and then what little skin remained was eaten away by the bromelain* and citric acids in the fruit.
And somehow I thought that drinking some cold water would make it feel better, instead of making it burn like fire.
At least it finally stopped hemorrhaging.
I thought I was going to bleed to death, and all because of a slice of pizza.
*from http://www.wholehealthmd.com/refshelf/substances_view/1,1525,760,00.html:
"Bromelain is the name of a group of powerful protein-digesting, or proteolytic, enzymes that are found in the pineapple plant (Ananas comosus). Discovered in 1957, and widely studied since then, bromelain is particularly useful for reducing muscle and tissue inflammation and as a digestive aid. Supplements are made from enzymes found in the pineapple stem.
"Bromelain is a natural blood thinner and anti-inflammatory. It works by breaking down fibrin, a blood-clotting protein that can impede good circulation and prevent tissues from draining properly. Bromelain also blocks the production of compounds that can cause swelling and pain. When inflammation is reduced, blood can move more easily to a traumatized area, easing pain and speeding healing."
Also, if you eat too much of the fibrous core of the pineapple, you can develop bezoars in your digestive tract, which are only slightly less gross than trichobezoars, hairballs, which are formed from prolonged trichophagia, or hair consumption.
What's in your head?