10.06.01
After tanning and purchasing food at the grocery, I turned on the telly--knowing that all four major networks (and I do not have cable) were simultaneously broadcasting this telethon. I almost called in to donate money. But would have only done so had Jack Nicholson answered the telephone on the other end. I chose not to take any chances. Why is Mariah Carey so fucking fat?
Considering that the woman has been in and out of the looney bin, I think that the size of her waistband is the least of her concerns. She probably forgot that food is the enemy, and ate a candy bar.
Besides, she was looking rather tubby a few years ago on whichever award show that she was on singing a duet with Whiney Houston.
The girl was wearing a white, heavily-ruched dress that clung to her anatomy in the most unflattering ways. She looked like an albino hippo in stiletto heels.
Which reminds me, as a public service, I would like to share the following fashion tidbit:
If you look like you're smuggling pastry around in your pants (ie: your gut is the size of a loaf of rustic miché bread, or you merely are carrying around a few croissant-y saddlebags) do not wear pleated pants, a gathered skirt, a ruched or ruffled dress, or any combination of pleats/gathers/ruffles/ruching on any sort of clothing items that might happen to cover your abdomen.
You may end up looking like a pregnant pumpkin piñata, or a pasty river-dwelling mammal in heels, which is never a good look on anyone.
Hope that helps!
P.S. I only caught the last teensy bit of the telethon myself. Watching Willie Nelson and a host of uncomfortable-looking celebrities sing the chorus to "America the Beautiful" nine million times was no more entertaining on any of the other 40 or so freaking channels that were running it than on your paltry four.
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