10-08-00
I get invited to this party, a birthday party for a friend of this friend.
I am informed that my attendance is mandatory, and that should the party get out of hand, the invitee intends to be spirited away by me.
My first thought? 'Woo hoo! Party!'
My second thought? 'Woo hoo! Boo-ty!'
So, I make sure that I am appropriately exfoliated, shaven, fragranced and moisturized, put on my new pink frilly girl panties and matching brassiere, and pretty myself up in a new hot little number.
I get to the party, and things are initially slow, but okay. The guest of honor gives a very public floor show involving another drunken party-goer and some kissing and groping, much to the amusement of everyone else in attendance, and the alcohol continues to flow. Crowds of people begin to flow in, and keep coming by the wave. I'm not opposed to a wild party, I mean I think they have their place. Hell, our pathetic little college team finally won a game - homecoming no less - and even the most spiritless among us was moved to some sort of exuberant display. Anyways, I'm drinking something called 'Toxic Waste' that is quite tasty, and not nearly as lethal as it sounds, and trying desperately to catch the invitee's eye, but instead end up talking to the birthday boy, the reason for the party himself.
Birthday Boy is being all flirty and affectionate without crossing some invisible boundary between acceptible and the converse of said, when some nutjob named Tina arrives. She's drunk and lascivious and climbing all over the poor boy, who I think may be trying to resist making a play for me, but I digress, and she's promising the kind of things this prudish type would never do*. So my role changes, and no longer am I the beguiling temptress, spoken for by another or something like that, but I am now Wing Man, throwing up the female-equivalent of the cockblock at every corner.
And when I find myself trying to communicate with my gracious host, I receive another kind of cock block, coming from hostile sectors that, until this very night, I never knew I existed. Thus, in order to avoid some egregious misdeeds, I was forced to go home, alone, to the recently winterized** bed.
Nutjobs, the lot of them.
*Dildoes and strawberry-flavoured love jelly? Criminy, I thought that blue balls were the gift that kept on giving!
**Feather bed over the regular mattress, thick toasty flannel sheets, and a 'smart' electric blanket, that only heats where it needs to heat. I hate getting out of bed in the winter, and highs of 45/lows of 25 are close enough for me, particularly this early in October.
