10-11-00
A few weeks ago, I was overwhelmed by a physiological need to purchase an Aussie Nad's hair removal system kit from a late night infomercial. I told everyone I knew all about my purchase, and no one else on this planet seems to have ever used it, because I am to report back to everyone I know about how well it works/does not work. I am everyone's epilation guinea pig.
I quit going to Mistress Svetlana for my bikini waxes because they hurt like hell, were really expensive, and weren't as thorough as I'd like. When I wax someone's eyebrows, I go back in with tweezers and tweeze out all of the little hairs I missed. Not so with Mistress Svetlana and my bikini line.
Anyways, I quit shaving in anticipation of the arrival of my all natural waxing substitute. The day the box came in the mail, I danced around with joy and ripped open the package to spread out the wonders withing upon my coffee table. A double-sized jar of Nad's (a one year's supply), a bottle of Kiwi-Chamomile Smoothing Lotion (for unbelievable smooth skin), a bar of french-milled Kiwi-Chamomile cleansing soap, and some other accessory pieces.
To my chagrine, my 'pie' was not bushy enough to be effected by the Nad's, so I was forced to wait a few more weeks. Until today.
Now, as if in freakish anticipation of the evening's epilatory madness, my bikini line burst into an itchy scarlet rash. I inspected this rash, and I determined that it was not 'broken skin'*, so I decided to proceed with...
the hair removal:
The gel is green and sticky, but completely water solvent. It is spread on with a tiny white spatula, and tugs at the skin and hair a little bit uncomfortably until it melts with body heat. The muslin is pressed into the goo and smoothed three times, the skin of my bikini area is pulled taut, and then the strip is violently ripped off opposite the direction of hair growth. I cringe, swear, and wonder where the Kiwi-Chamomile styptic pencil is. Alas, there is none, but the muslin strips to an excellent job of mopping up the blood that is pouring forth from every hair follicle along my bikini line.
I think I'll do the other side tomorrow night.
*Nair has stringent warnings about not using their hair remover on broken skin, but no clear definition as to what constitutes broken. I can attest to the fact that all of the skin on my legs is apparently broken, and I have the scars to prove it.
