10.11.01
Despite a preponderance of video recording equipment, I managed to not view* last week's episode of Friends**. That's right, I missed the episode that apparently heralded the point at which Friends "jumped the shark***".
After actually seeing the episode that revealed that Rachel was pregnant, I not only missed the episode that revealed that Ross was the father, but also this week's startling episode where Ross finds out that he's the father! Hey, at least Rachel's not a lesbian like his first wife.
Oh, I taped the time block from 7 - 7:30pm central, except that Dubya, despite the fact that he ALREADY delivered a moving and pointless speech earlier today, which was during Martha Stewart, btw, decided to give some lame State of the Union Address, recycling today's earlier speech, and the last several given this week alone. NBC, in their infinite wisdom, decided to run Must See Thursday in it's entirety after the speech, which means I got to watch most of Will and Grace when I got home at 8:30, but no Friends was to be seen.
Listening to Dubya speak gives me Discordian Translator**** flashbacks. I keep listening for "fnord," or "Hail Eris!" It's like some speech writer with a Discordian bent piped the last week's worth of rambling through the translator, then printed it neatly out on 3 x 5's, or threw it up on the teleprompter.
Unfortunately, I am stuck hearing things more along the lines of, " Baby boomers such as myself was used to getting caught in a quagmire of Vietnam where politics made decisions more than the military sometimes. Generation X was able to watch technology right in front of their TV screens, you know, burrow into concrete bunkers in Iraq and blow them up." and extreme overuse of the term evildoers.
The girls of Charmed can use the term evildoers to their heart's content. Evildoers are doers of evil. They are the charmed ones, who are put on this planet solely***** to thwart the doing of evil. Evildoers are their karmic bread and butter, and thusly the term is terribly important to their inherent lexicological verbage******.
Dubya using the term makes me think of Jodie Foster's character in the movie Nell, who learned to speak English from her mother, who had suffered a severely speech-impeding stroke. Accordingly, her language was oddly pronounced and heavily garbled. Guardian Angel was pronounced as Guy-Enja. Tree in the wind = tay en thu win. She was also the survivor of twins, so she had her own twinspeak that sounds a great deal like Furbish. The point of this being, Evildoers = ebbadoo.
Every time Dubya says, "Evildoers!" I have an overwhelming urge to shout, "Ebbadoo! Ebbadoo!"
Which I rarely censor myself from doing.
Fnord.
Hail Eris!
I'm going to bed.
*Live, recorded, or otherwise.
**Sorry Thomas J. McCarthy. I know this topic bothers you so ever so very so much. My condolences. The Friends monologue is really just an opening though, kind of like on The Simpsons, where you don't know where they're taking you when something happens, but that leads to something else entirely different, which is hopefully interesting and amusing, entirely forgiving the earlier strange bit.
Gotcha?
Still sorry, though. Sincerely.
***This term comes from the episode of Happy Days where Fonzie jumped over a shark tank on a motorcycle. It has come to mean the point at which the show has begun the somewhat arduous trek of sucking ass, tanking, and otherwise going on to a timely demise.
People feel that this is the shark jumping point because they are pairing off the "friends" -- Chandler and Monica have already wed, Ross and Rachel are expecting, have already dated, married, divorced and most likely will tie the knot again in a realization that they were meant for each other and the whole last few years were "a break", and I hear that Joey proposed to Pheobe because he thought she was pregnant and didn't want her to be an unwed mother, and she won't give the ring back. We're so going to end up with three cliched couples, which is one of the actual signs of the apocalypse.
****Some Discordian-type person coded up some sort of program that you can run a text file through that scrambles it, rendering it mostly incoherent, fairly funny, and inserts things like "fnord" and "Hail Eris!" into the copy.
*****And maybe also to look hot and fill out the fronts of sweaters attractively. Particularly in part, and with great thanks to the latest Halliwell, Rose McGowan's Paige.
******You totally can't tell that I made that term up, can you? It is accurate, even if nonsensical or makebelieve.
