10-20-00
At some point, I think it all comes down to getting home after a long day of work and school, opening up the front door and being greeted with an affectionate, 'Hi, honey, you're home!'
And the realization that that sort of thing is never going to occur as long as I live in this town is devastating.
I need out.
I need to be loved and appreciated and valued and worshipped and treated with respect.
I don't think I can stand to be another notch on the bedpost, another conquest, another trophy on the mantle.
The pretense that it all somehow matters a great deal about kills me on a daily basis. I'm finding it hard to care, and I don't want to be that bitter any more.
COMMENTS:
*** Message
(#55) from Rhapsody at 23:11 ***
>All I remember from your site is your art, and your boobs.
AND
*** Message
(#66) from Some Guy On A Bike at 23:32 ***
Pardon me for appearing to be a drooling HNG, but you're gorgeous
and stuff. And I like your writing. What is says as much as how
it's constructed; probably moreso.
*** Message
(#70) from Some Guy On A Bike at 23:35 ***
Well, not criticizing, just thought you'd want to know. At the
risk of continuing to sound like a drooling HNG, what in the name
of all that's holy are you doing in Iowa?
--- Message
(#71) to Some Guy On A Bike at 23:36 ---
-Working and going to school. Read the bio page. It tells a lot.
*** Message
(#72) from Some Guy On A Bike at 23:37 ***
I will. Give me a moment. And I find it interestign reading your
daily observations backwards. I rather like that, in fact.
*** Message
(#73) from Some Guy On A Bike at 23:42 ***
I find great solace in your strength, even though I'll bet you
never felt strong for the majority of your life. We have a lot in
common. Interesting. *keeps reading*
--- Message
(#75) to Some Guy On A Bike at 23:45 ---
I like to think that if one person finds something useful in all
of the crap that I have to spout that I've done something
valuable.
*** Message
(#76) from Some Guy On A Bike at 23:47 ***
I find your words incredibly bare and honest, well-crafted, and
very touching. They strike more chords with me than I can contain
in my head at once. Most of my life is no longer on my web page,
however. Brutal attacks + family court = less than public
displays. And if people need to know my past, they'll find out.
It's not such a big deal any more.
