10.20.01
Hey Pix,
Let's o say that you had a lover many years ago. An EXTREMELY codependent lover. He keeps contacting you and flirting and talking to you about sexual situations. he goes on to tell you that you were the only person that he ever felt loved by, truly and deeply. then he gets a new boyfriend and continues flirting and teasing and what have you. You call him on the carpet and tell him to put up or shut up. He pleads relationship. This pisses you off because you know that he cheated on you, more cheated with you on a pasted lover. He tells you that your view of masculinity is fucked up. your spiritual system is fucked up and that your self chosen lack of a lover is fucked up because he taught you that dependence is bad and you wont get into a relationship that is not of equals again. He tells you that you are "hanging on to his bumper and blaming him for the road rash you get for being dragged along". The ass has the nerve to say he has changed but even though you have gone to dinner he wouldn't show you who he is now because he is being self protective. You assumed tigers don't change spots but he claims when he was with you he was a fawn and fawns lose spots when they become bucks. You think of all the venison you have in your freezer.
Basically I am asking, "am I a bad person because I can't forget the past but only build on it and learn from it even if it evolves being with a psycho and codependent for a few years against your better judgment even if the codefendant blames you? More are you cruel for telling him to fuck off and have a good life but to leave you out of it because he hasn't changed no matter what he says?"
please get back to me soon
a naughty moose
Moose:
Firstly, take a deep breath.
Secondly, stop mixing your metaphors. It makes my head hurt.
Thirdly, no. You are not a bad person for cutting this cancer out of your life. Nor were you a bad person when you did it the first time. Codypendent is a bad person. And a whore, but that's another story.
You have the right to have your own belief system, sleep with or without whomsoever you desire, and improve your person in the process. If other people can't accept that, they have issues that aren't yours to deal with, or lose sleep over.
And yes, I hate leaving a dangling participle or two, but all that "with whom to deal" or "over which to lose sleep" sounds stuffy and snotty.
Fourthly, give yourself a hug. You are a stronger person than you think.
Congratulations for being an adult.
do you have a question for askpixie? mail: askpixie@pixiemartin.com
If pixie can't help, you're screwed.™
| (disclaimer: as you can imagine, askpixie is not a licensed therapist, nor is she a doctor of anything. she has, however, had enough problems in her life, and enough damn therapy, that she can pretty much handle most of what you could probably throw at her. and whatever she can't directly answer herself, she will do her best to find an answer for you elsewhere. unless otherwise noted, all thoughts and opinions expressed herein, therein, and whereverin you're looking, are © pixiemartin, 2001. you gotta problem with that, punk?) |
