10-22-00
Perhaps the hardest part of being a self-centered idealist is that while knowing that technically I am right, it's exceptionally difficult to accept that not everything that is broken is mine to fix*.
*It's the sort of thing that makes me want to drive out to a field somewhere and scream my head off. Instead I will content myself with thoughts of childish ultimatums and much gnashing of teeth.
COMMENTS:
From:
"Jimmer Sivertsen" <tremosian@swiftdesk.com>
To: <pixiemartin@home.com>
Subject: The Wide World
Date: Sunday, October 22, 2000 7:43 PM
I read your website, and frankly, my dear, it's a little
agonizing.
Iowa City is a small world. There is a risk, in finding a bigger world.
The risk is not going back. And getting lost on the way.
I'll give you a story, for free.
I got wrecked in a relationship once. In a period of grieving, an older friend told me how he wished he could take a job in Australia, but how he had a wife and two young kids - he couldn't take the risk of it falling through. He told me, "Jimmer, make your mistakes while you're young."
What should I do? Do I stay in Iowa City? Do I go back to school? Where do I find my happiness? It was a period of cleaning house, in my head. As I drove with my mother and sister out to a family reunion in Colorado that July, I make my decision. Seattle. I visited it on a road trip, back in '89. The weather was amazing. The people weren't bad.
During the reunion, I start talking about it, with my family. Horrible. I don't want to seem flighty, but damn it, I did just make that reach. I mention that I've been thinking about it for months. I lied. I didn't really give tons of information, just a general, I'll be leaving around September. My mom of course, horrified, concerned about her youngest.
Due to some snafus with my VW Bus, I don't actually leave until October. Driving more than 8 hours a day in the Bus in painful, with the wind pushing me around the northern plains like a monkey on skates. I get stranded in Gilette, Wyoming - winter storm, kills the power...if I had made another 30 miles, I would have been fine. I spend a couple days there. My Bus starts shooting oil out its tailpipes, 200 miles short of Seattle. The engine is destroyed, I spend way too much money and 2.5 slow & painful weeks, in a small town called Moses Lake. (Called Moses Lake, after naming the local-unpronounceable-Indian-Chief's-name, "Moses" because of the water nearby. And then calling it Moses Lake to honor him. Cretins. And the descendants of cretins live there.)
It's actually pretty tame once I make Seattle. I spend a night staying up, because the weekly-rate motel I was to stay at, didn't have a room until the next day. 4 days into the week, I find a room in a house. 4 days after that, I have a job with a temp agency.
End of story.
There's so much room out here. So many different kinds of jobs. And lots of people. It's not so bad, it gets easy to filter out the crowds. Driving during rush hour isn't really that enjoyable, so I plan around it. Actually, I ended up giving my Bus away to a guy who was going to be good to it.
And I ended up with a corollary to my friend Mike's statement, about being young.
"You're young, as long as you're willing to keep making mistakes."
And, of course, that means I still get to be young, so that's all good.
I can't promise you'll find everything you're looking for, in a bigger world.
Going back to Iowa City, is actually pretty slow. And I feel awkward around my friends who could do so much better, which I think I know for sure. Where our friends find jobs working for ACT, hoping not to get beat out by the other slackers with bigger degrees. I thought about hitting IC, during Xmas...I have a couple nieces and a nephew who go to school at UI. Maybe. Escaping family commitments during holidays...I'm guessing those guys will be in Des Moines, anyways.
And the bigger world doesn't necessarily mean Seattle, but it's just a known quantity. Go vacationing somewhere. It's a necessary thing. You were a cool person back when I knew you better, and cool people don't have too many problems finding new compatriots in the bigger world.
Good luck.
