11-11-00
Friday was supposed to be the day I got my plumbing checked out. You know, the annual visit with the gynecological faerie. I called and made an appointment for 10am, because they said the appointment itself would take about an hour and a half. I figured that'd give me a clear margin of time to get home around noon, change clothes and go to work.
Imagine my surprise when I got there at 9:45 to fill out the compulsory forms, read a magazine, watched some TV, and then looked up to see that it was 11am. By my calculation, that would mean that were I to get into the office for the exam at precisely that moment, I would be leaving the office no earlier than 12:30, probably not get home and changed until 1pm. This would of course make me terribly late for work, since I'm supposed to be there no later than 12:45 for my 1pm appointment.
Now, scheduling an appointment of this nature is a fairly difficult task. One of the primary reasons for this visit, other than the obvious yearly check-up, is that my menstrual cycle, as I have previously mentioned, is a complete mystery*. The generic normal female has a 28 day cycle, with about 21 or so days of non-bleeding, and then up to 7 of actual menstrual fun. My cycle runs anywhere from 17 to 30 days, meaning I have the joy of not bleeding for anywhere from 10 to 25 days, and then menstruating for somewhere between 5 and 7 days.
This allows for a huge margin of error in the actual booking of the appointment, as you are a) not supposed to be menstruating during the appointment, b) shouldn't have had anything inserted into your vagina for at least a couple of days prior to the appointment, and c) have to book at least a month in advance because of all the other women in the city and surrounding areas needing their check-ups too.
Basically, it's a huge logistical nightmare for me.
I actually lucked out with this scheduled time because the stars were aligned properly and everything was in order. Except that the people running the office are a bunch of moronic fuckwits that don't seem to comprehend that some people have jobs and lives outside of the office that can't wait another hour and a half for their convenience.
Now I have to figure out what the optimal time for the next visit, at least a month off, will be, call and make an appointment for said optimal time, and then make the appropriate sacrifices to the blood gods to assure that the appointment time can be maintained without any menstrual or penetrative interference.
And people think being a girl is easy.
Several hours later...
However, after talking to my friend Ivy, I have decided to visit her gynecologist. Apparently she rocks and is easy to get in with for an appointment.
Screw you, Planned Parenthood. I'm not planning a parenthood any time soon, so you can collectively kiss my ass.
*To this end, I was intending to go on the pill to regulate and normalize my cycle. Funny, that.
