11-15-00
I know how we can end Campaign Indecision 2000.
A Presidential Deathmatch.
Lock Bush and Gore in a big cage.
Give them cattle prods.
The last man standing gets to run the country.
Gore might do okay because wood makes a poor conductor, although Bush could have a chemical advantage. All those years of drug and alcohol abuse more than likely deadened quite a few nerve endings.
But then there's the whole 'What if Gore is an animatronic puppet?' issue. It's entirely possible that a few jolts of the ol' cattle prod might just be enough to cause a cascade effect in his positronic brain.
To whatever end, I'm damned tired of coming home to watch a taped episode of Martha Stewart Living to discover that the last half of how to make a birch bark basket from scratch has been preempted by the latest update of who still isn't the President.
Figure it out already, you jerks are embarrasing our country.
They're mocking us in Germany, for criminy's sake.
GERMANY.
They don't chill their beer, they rinse their dishes in the same water in which they wash them, and they treat ketchup like it's caviar.
And they're mocking us.
(Honestly, I can't blame them.)
