12.08.02
I know that it's all hoodoo and mumbo-jumbo, and that some random got paid cash to make this crap up.
"The Solar Eclipse just after midnight occurs in the part of your chart related to your work, health and service to others. Its plan is to first reveal and then liberate you from arrangements that are inefficient and/or slow you down. However, this presumes that you're able to look up from your heavy lifting long enough to notice."
"Can we talk? Jupiter, the planet of abundance, is retrograde until April, urging you not to pile on financial obligations or commit to undertakings that (to put it mildly) aren't a fit for your unique talents and skills. Of course, Jupiter is also the planet of "bring it on," so we'll have to see how you manage this one."
"Activities and developments over the next few days are intended to prove conclusively that you haven't been busting your butt for nothing. However, as the case is being made, you could flag or have the odd pang of doubt - if this should occur, you are encouraged to pay it no heed whatsoever."
"Hmmm. Decisions, decisions. Should you make a slight course modification? Tweak your direction? Take another- inch off the length? Mercury, the planet of the mind, is opposing Saturn, the planet of determination, offering you an opportunity to fine-tune a venture. Whether you accept or decline this proposition is entirely up to you."
"Remember the old saying "life is what happens while you're busy doing other things" as you focus on a particular project or endeavor. Put another way: No matter how hard you concentrate on what you think you're supposed to be concentrating on, if the cosmic joker wants your attention elsewhere, he will perform quite the song and dance routine."
But I can't help but feel that forces are for once conspiring in my favor, and sending me a sign to keep the faith.
A penny saved is a penny earned. A stitch in time saves nine. Every cloud has a silver lining. Good triumphs over evil. The down-trodden are destined to escape Iowa.
Okay, maybe not quite so clichéd as that, but definitely very positive and absolutely riddled with authentic-sounding astrological lingo. I'm sold.
All of these horrorscopes were provided by swoon.com, without any sort of permission on their part.
What's in your head?