05-18-00
I don't know how well the lot of you have learned to read me, but from a day to day basis, I'm pretty cynical and scathing of people who enter into online ldr's.
Well, once I met this person who was so wonderful and magical that when he asked, in jest, for me to move clear across the country to be with him, I actually looked around my house, and for one moment thought to myself, "I'm not that attached to most of this stuff." I even mini-plotted in my head how I would fit the few things I would keep into the back of my car, and how large of a U-haul I'd need to move my wardrobe. I checked the web to see what I'd have to do to transfer my cosmetology license to his state, and I took a personal inventory of my marketable job skills when I found out I'd have to jump through hoops of fire and sleep with senators to get do hair there.
And then he had a difficult period of time where he had a big decision to make about where his life was going, and instead of talking to me about it, and getting my input on it, he shut me out. And paranoid, cynical me, I decided that obviously I had committed some egregious sin that required him to cut me out of his life like a cancer, and I spent a lengthy spot of time trying to figure out exactly what I had done wrong. I sent him emails, left answering machine messages, and even sent him silly e-cards telling him that I missed him and that I wish he'd talk to me, and he didn't respond to any of them.
What I wanted to hear was that the space and time didn't matter, and that despite all the forces keeping us apart, we would find a way to work it out. We had important potential. Potential for great and important things to happen. Potential that would make me re-evaluate my life and consider moving across the country from my family and friends, all without a safety net.
Until one day, he did answer me. And what he had to say was exactly what I was afraid he'd have to say, "Sorry I hurt your feelings, I don't know what else to say."
