05-19-00
The other day at work I got to thinking about my role in the cosmetological empire that is The Salon at Younkers, and I realized that despite the fact that my manager works 10 time as hard as I do - the woman is ALWAYS busy, I mean, insanely busy - and has been doing hair five times as long as I have, she only makes 3 times what I do. Now, before we all start thinking I'm wealthy, let me remind you that the standard of living I maintain is shared only by college students who work delivering pizza and will one day graduate business school and have a career. I already have my career. And the degree I'm pursuing will pretty much set me up for the punchline, Everyone now, "You want fries with that?"
So, my other friend Dan started quizzing me about the valuable job skills that I may or may not have. After a rigorous question and answer session, he came up with very little. His assessment? "Lack of technical, business AND communications skills might tend to limit your employment options." And that's a direct quote. My personal assessment? "I'd make a better trophy wife than anything. Grooming and cooking are two of my better skills. I'm getting pretty good at working out too." I forgot to mention that I kill at cocktail parties and formal functions, and I look great in a party dress. I think I might also have the potential to spend money about as fast as a successful spouse could earn it.
So Dan's current suggestion is that I try to pass myself off as a child and get adopted by someone wealthy, just in case the trophy wife gig falls through. It's a nice idea, but I personally believe that me passing as a sub-18 year old could only happen in the land of 90210, a subset of the Spelling Universe, where Luke Perry can play 25, and Shannen Doherty can be 17. And we all know that wednesday night was the last episode.
