06-09-01
Dr. AskPixie,
I have a female friend who is extremely high maintenance. Extremely "touchy." Very emotional. And needy-as-hell. Typically, we get along. We take romantic (ha ha) walks to the local convenience store and through questionable neighborhoods (our own). We hop in my car and drive at random through Iowa.
I'm thinking, though, of just telling her to "shove off." Why? She expects me to return ALL of her phone calls--even if it's not a "call back" type of message. She expects me to call her daily if she doesn't call me. She wants me to "drop" everything when I'm busy and do things with her. She dislikes that I'm married to my job. She tells me that it's "WRONG" to "isolate" as much as I do. "You need more friends! You need to let your hair down and just DO! You need to be more outgoing."
My personality is not going to change. I like my job a lot (she hates hers). I LIKE isolating. I LIKE my space.
What should I do? Being her "friend" is more stressful, currently, that I feel it's worth. And I'm already stressed enough as it is.
Signed,
No Wonder I'm Gay
No Wonder,
I hate people like that.
They are definitely called 'high-maintenance' for a reason. I, myself, call them emotional vampires, people that leech away your time and energy, until you drop dead from exhaustion and a plague of anxiety disorders, and then move along to the next victim.
You are an adult and you can make your own decisions about how to live your life, which you obviously have. You already have a mother to ignore, who I am sure takes great pains to criticize your lifestyle. You don't need someone else to educate you about the error of your ways, when it has already been done much better by someone who has had a lot more time and practice.
Friendship is about give and take. It is supposed to be an equal partnership, which unfortunately in your case is not only unequal, but one that is bound to suffer. Your friend takes up all of your free time, and only gives you grief in return, which isn't exactly the sort of give and take I was talking about.
Personally, I'd 'give' some thought about 'taking' back your life, and freeing yourself from this negative influence.
Sister soldier, kick her whiny, co-dependent ass to the curb.
Good luck to you, and best wishes to her next victim.
-- pixie
P.S. This is the last letter to which I can offer a response, for my mailbox is now quite empty. You know, you don't have to ask deeply relevant social questions. I can answer a variety of questions on a variety of subjects, from food to fashion, entertainment, education, politics, cosmetic application, halloween costumes, literature, home furnishings, color theory, and my opinion on many, many other things.
P.P.S. July 9th is the official "First Time I Turn 29"*. My wishlist has been recently updated...
*Theoretically, next year could be the official "Anniversary of the First Time I Turned 29", should I choose to go that route.
