06.12.01

(This is dedicated to a boy who doesn't think he'll ever find a girl to make him sammiches.)

Things in the Spring 2001 Good Vibrations catalogue, that tickled my funny bone*:

the iRocket vibrator: "Collect all of our hot iRockets in four delicious colors -- these are vibes you won't want to hide under the bed. Available in blueberry, grape, lime or strawberry."

I wonder if Apple gets a cut of this?

Nipple Sticks: "A new twist on nipple play -- these gadgets are two thin metal rods that you stretch apart and close on your nipple. You can tighten or loosen the grip with the rubber adjusters. Presto, you've got propellers**!"

I think they propeller part of the blurb says more than I ever could.

Remote Panty: "Who wants to know Victoria's secret when yours is so much more intriguing?"

Great for parties, reunions, and any other social gatherings!

"Paul Thomas: The Kubrick of Porn..."

I firmly believe, with every ounce of my being, that Stanley would be delighted, nay, deeply flattered, by that comparison, were he alive today to hear about it.

Hard Love and How to Fuck in High Heels: "Winner of the 2000 Adult Video News Award for the Best All-Girl Feature..."

I can't help but love that title. I just can't.

The New Bondage Fairies, Book One & Book Two: "...find out how female fairy ejaculate can cure what ails you -- but mostly sit back and enjoy the ride as these two tiny, curvy gals have no-holds-barred sex with everything that moves."

Of course I am intrigued by the title, but I don't know how I feel about Japanese manga porn featuring nymphomaniacal faeries.

Gynomite: Fearless, Feminist Porn

I just have this mental image of J.J. Walker entering a room and shouting "Gy-no-MITE!" permanently etched into my brain***.

and, last but not least...

The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance

For a how-to book, I'll bet it not only kicks The Rules's ass, but also ties it up, spanks it soundly, and then makes it beg for more.

Yesterday & Tomorrow.

*I'll bet they have some sort of vibrating device, or a cream of a questionable nature in their pages somewhere for that express purpose and, perhaps even, for the tickling of other parts as well.

**I totally did not make this up.

**And now you probably do too. Sorry.