06-30-00

The Tactel® Effect - Yes!* or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bra.

Last week sometime, I felt strangely compelled to purchase several new blouses that were dirt cheap. They are made of this wonder fabric called tactel®, that feels like silk yet wears like nylon, and I just knew knew knew I had to have them. I even loved them; that is until I got home and realized that due to the very nature of the fiber from which they are constructed, every single bra I own has now been rendered obsolete. Let me explain:

Bra manufacturers mistakenly believe that just because you wear the bra under the clothing, that doesn't mean it shouldn't be pretty. This is nice in theory, until you want to wear the bra under an item that doesn't lend itself well to bows, ruffles, heart-shaped faux pearl accents, textured lace, embroidered smiley faces, visible structural seams, and/or decorative ribbing** peeking out from underneath. Trust me, I tried every single bra on at least twice to no avail. That's right, a lingerie fashion show wasted on myself. Righto.

In my infinite and highly fallible wisdom, I decided the only way to remedy the situation was to run out and purchase a bra that fit the following criteria: Seamless, devoid of ornamentation, lined enough that you can't see nippage yet not padded to high heaven, and hopefully on sale. I began this quest on Monday. Over the course of the next 3 days, I tried on 30 bras - all of the bras that the Younkers intimate apparel section had in my size that "fit" the previously mentioned criteria. I use the quotation marks because honestly, a more ill-fitting, sad sad sad assortment of brassieres, I have never seen.

Now, I'm not a fancy undergarment kind of girl. I have two sassy sets of bras and panties that I rotate for the boys to see, but otherwise I'm the white cotton panties sort. Sometimes I like to mix it up with a Tinkerbell or Scooby print, but the cotton panties remain basically the same. I like my bras to follow suit: unassuming, comfortable, easily replaceable. I have lived my life completely intimidated by racks of things like Wonderbras and Waterbras and Lilyette Sheers. And don't even get me going about Victoria's Secret. Good God, that place gives me the weebies.

Thursday, in a fit of pique, I declared, "Bring on the Wonderbras!" and threw caution to the wind. I was presented with 4 bras that completely ignored all of the things I was looking for. One had padded inserts ('cookies' in the trade), another had a faux shantung texture, all of them had seams. I ended up picking the 32nd of the 34 brassieres that I tried on this week. A perky demi-cup, push-up jobby in a girly beige faux-shantung, replete with cup-splitting seams. Or as they describe, "Tiny corded bows accent the centerfront and the non-stretch adjustable satiny straps... Demi-shaped Wonderfil™ lined cups form a captivating sweetheart neckline... Incredibly sleek and sensual shantung stretch fabric creates a stunningly beautiful look."

Yes, you can see the pattern, bows, and seams through the blouses. Yes, it cost $28, when the shirts only cost $6 apiece. And yes, it does amazing things to my chest. My breasts stand firmer, prouder and perkier by merely riding around in the space age technology that is the Shantung Demi Riviera. This fine bra makes me proud to be an American, even if it was assembled in the Dominican Republic.

Yesterday & Tomorrow.

*L'effet Tactel® - Oui! [or so proclaims the label]

** Every brassiere I own is adorned with at least one of these features.

COMMENTS:

Jul 30, 2000 10:16 from IO ERROR to Ruadhan
Just so you know, I can't seem to operate your guestbook.  It won't allow me to type anything into the blank white spaces.  Anyway, the other thing you have to know is I am insane.  To illustrate this, in the event that for some reason you can't just take my word for it, I just stayed up all night reading practically everything on your Web site. Now I certainly didn't intend to spend my night, and even up to a few minutes ago, doing that.  I started by reading what you posted tonight about soulmates. It just rang very true for me.  I've always wondered if I have already met my soulmate, and missed my only chance. 

So I kept on reading.  

I laughed.  I cried.  I hurled.  

Truth is, your writing touched me.  Probably you hear something like that all the time.  Oh well.  Coming to terms with my own flaws hasn't been an easything for me.  I am not perfect, though I would very much like to be.  And I get the feeling you would as well.  At the same time, I can't judge anybody.   I've had way too many drunken, and even sober, indiscretions.  I've done more stupid things than I can count.  I am by no means perfect, but I try. Sometimes I fail.  That's part of the reason I find your writing so compelling. You're real.  

The other part of it is that your writings remind me of myself.  I'm sure a few other people have told you something similar to that, as well.  But it was enough to keep me up all night reading, and up another hour still composing this insane message.  

For instance.  I have had some very dark chapters in my life.  There were large parts of my life when I sincerely believed that no one at all, not even my family, cared about me.  I spent a couple of years homeless, living on the streets.  Through the dark times in my life, books were my refuge, my education, sometimes literally my only sustenance.  

And I've also known the constant pain of having an idea, a vision, a plan, which I could not bring to fruition.  In fact, it seems to be the story of my life.  I'm not paid enough at my job.  I have many acquaintances and very few real friends.  I am not happy with the state of my life.  

However, I did give up the safety net.  I haven't seen my family in about five years now.  It's been very liberating, not having to deal with my parents' mind games and general crap.  But I'm also free to make my own mistakes, fuck up my own life, and with nothing to fall back on.  Life gets very interesting, when you make mistakes.  :)  

I can't say "I don't know why I'm telling you all this," because I know exactly why.  So many things that you've said remind me of myself, how I think and feel.  And I believed you would understand.  

And that's what is in my head.
[Mail> msg #55001951

AND

Jun 30, 2000 02:05 from Wormey to Ruadhan
Out of the blue, for no apparent reason, Thank You.  

 

I was having one of those "can't be bothered with work" days when I random profiled you, hit your web page, and your "in my head" page.  It probably doesn't do my image any justice to say, as a geeky obese male on the other side of the world, that I too am somewhat of a voyeur, and that people with pages that share what's going inside their heads play on that desire, but it is basically the truth (don't you hate the connotations that certain words earn for themselves... voyeurism).

 

Anyway, to get back on track, I spent a lovely afternoon not working, but instead watching in your head.  It was delightful.  Once again, thank you, I look forward to getting to know you from afar.  

[Mail> msg #54788257