06-30-01
Ask Pixie:
Having recently ended a 4 year relationship how do I now go about dating? I'm rather loathe to get involved with people that I hang out with because I don't want to become part of the inbred dating scene that my friends have developed. Pursuing new activities so that I can meet new people means that I have to give up the activities that I'm involved in now and I don't want to lose touch with the friends I already have. So I'm conflicted. Which isn't really a good question anyway so here's a better one: Is it ethical to continue shagging your ex after you broke up? Assuming that you remain friends, of course.
Pixie Lover
Pixie Lover:
Let's see. You have friends that are wallowing around in a stagnant dating pool and you don't want to get sucked into its putrescent morass. Sounds frighteningly like Iowa City. Ha ha.
And seeking other activities to meet non-stagnant individuals is out because what, your evenings are so full that you don't have time to introduce new activities into your schedule? Hmm. Where exactly are you intending to pencil in time with a hypothetical new girlfriend? If you wanna spend time with someone, you have to spend the time to meet the someone first.
Take me for example: I'm too busy to spend time to find a man, so I'm single. Cause and effect. I prefer to while away my evenings on writing entries for this website, and answering questions to help the lovelorn and the culinarily challenged.
Plus, relationships are messy. You have to expend all of that energy being all nice, and you have to buy presents and whatnot. What a hassle.
Which brings us to your next question: Is nailing your ex okay?
Well, ask yourself why you broke up in the first place. Obviously if you are both still friends, then it just wasn't meant to be, and no harsh feelings are being harbored by either of you. Unless they are being secretly harbored, which means that you totally shouldn't do it. However, if you can safely say that you're both cool with stuff then ask yourself the following:
- Are you both emotionally-mature, consenting adults?
- Do you both understand that this is merely a stopgap measure until you both have other people in your life to fulfill this purpose?
- Are you both okay with the idea of playing hide the salami together without getting all emotionally entangled?
If you answered yes to the above questions, then yes, I believe you are prepared to engage in sexual congress with your former lady love.
If you answered no, then you need to keep your wang to yourself. You don't need that sort of torment if you aren't prepared to handle it.
Myself, I wholly endorse making the boom-boom with ex's. Dude, they already know what you like in the sack, and they've already seen you naked without laughing. I think that's bonus.
In short, get out and meet new people if you want to date a new person, because if you don't have time to meet people, you don't have time to date them. And boink the ex if you're both consenting and stable.
Hope that helps!
-- pixie
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If pixie can't help, you're screwed.™
| (disclaimer: as you can imagine, askpixie is not a licensed therapist, nor is she a doctor of anything. she has, however, had enough problems in her life, and enough damn therapy, that she can pretty much handle most of what you could probably throw at her. and whatever she can't directly answer herself, she will do her best to find an answer for you elsewhere. unless otherwise noted, all thoughts and opinions expressed herein, therein, and whereverin you're looking, are © pixiemartin, 2001. you gotta problem with that, punk?) |
