i'm back in vogue!

...i'm inspirational

06.30.05

I got a very sweet email today from someone telling me that I'd motivated him to start a blog of his own.

Yay!

More pixiefanboys!

And the very first entry includes an entire section all about how much I rock.

Also, today I was trying to determine if I'd written about Nik or Cookie yet, so I did a websearch for "pixiemartin" and "hair" and found this link to one of my posts. Those Brits are just damned wacky.

Man, I've still got so many stories left to tell that I can't remember what I have or haven't said yet.

Plus, you know, I've made the Georgia font trendy again.

And now, to bed.

a job less stressful.

...fun with coworker's names

06.29.05

In the last month, I have hired two new stylists.

One is a lady that has an MBA, is computer-savvy, and has worked in the real world long enough to have retired from a professional job. She has always been interested in doing hair, so her husband sent her to beauty school. And she wandered into my salon because she loves the store, loves doing hair, and thought that a combination of the two would be more than ideal.

Rico is a flamboyant Puerto Rican gayboy from Miami. His work is flawless, he speaks Spanish, and he's very polite and hardworking.

Mostly, they're making my job easier.

Especially because we're losing a staff member at the end of July. She decided to move back down South.

As an aside, I would just like to say that despite the fact that I am often a little stressed about work things, I am so glad that this isn't my life anymore.

Now I do things like enter my co-workers' names into the Wu-tang Clan Name Generator and giggle:

Me= New Fast Automatic F-REEK*
Stylist1 = Tha 23rd Buchan
Stylist2 = Well-Liked Assman
Stylist3 = Radiophonic Oddity
Stylist4 = Ol` Mucky Terrahawk
Stylist5 = Ungrateful Ninja (or Promiscuous Protestah -- if you use her married name)
Stylist6 = Pre-Raphaelite Shaolin
Stylist7 = Dubious Masturbatah-X
Admin = Homicidal Terrahawk
GM = Auxillary Priest
ASM = Cheeky Delinquent
MM = Inscrutable Drama Queen
DM = Sheepish Lord of Chaos
LP = Spunky Misunderstood Genius

Bwahaha. My boss is Sheepish Lord of Chaos. That's definitely up there with Overlord Carol's name -- which was Overlord something the last time I did it, but now comes up as "Lazy-Assed Destroyer." Which is much more fitting.
..........

*If I do pixiemartin, it's Gratuitous F-REEK. Which is interesting because Lxxxx and Martin are definitely not what I would consider to be the same enough to both score F-REEK.

taking a stand for oneself.

... and grabbing them by the whatzits

06.28.05

In addition to getting being taken off of the 602-973-9535 call list by directly contacting Turn-Key Solutions, I contacted the Chicago Tribune to let them know about my displeasure with their telemarketer of choice:

From: pixiemartin
Sent: Monday, June 27, 2005 6:47 PM
To: Consumer Services, CTC
Subject: telemarketing

Does your company employ Turn-Key Solutions in Phoenix, AZ, to telemarket your services to potential customers?
I ask, because I would swear that the man I spoke to on the phone offered me a subscription to your paper, and then wouldn't take no for an answer until I hung up.
I also ask because twice now since I told them I wasn't interested, I've had them call me and not leave a message. You know, in addition to the 9 other times they've called me in the last 3 months, 6 of those in the last week alone.
If you do employ their services, you might want to reconsider, because they're rude, harassing, and have numerous complaints against them for violating the Do Not Call list.
pixiemartin

They responded with:

"Dear pixiemartin,
"Thank you for contacting the Chicago Tribune on the Internet.
"The Chicago Tribune’s intention is to provide our customers with the best quality of customer service. Your satisfaction is our first priority, and we apologize for any inconvenience we have caused you. Please reply to this e-mail with the phone number this individual used you contact you and we can have this removed.
"If you have any additional questions or concerns, please contact us.
"Thank you and have a great day!
"Sincerely,
"Hope Carter
Interactive Services Representative
Chicago Tribune
1-800-TRIBUNE ex 6349
Consumerservices@tribune.com"

and I replied with:

The number I have been called from 14 times in the last three months is 602-973-9535. My phone number is 773-xxx-xxxx..
I called one of their corporate numbers listed in the phone directory, and was told that I would be removed from their database within 24 hours.
I mostly brought this to your attention, because this particular number representing Turn-Key has been bandied about on the internet as being a nuisance. You might want to visit this site to see just what a few people have said about this company's business practices.
pixiemartin

Don't mess with the damned pixie, or she goes above your head and complains to someone about you.

Tweak, at work, was contacted recently by Marshall Field's collections department about a delinquent bill from November, for almost $300. Now, he worked for Field's from 1996 - 1999, and was required to use their credit card to receive his discount, but then cancelled his account with them when he left their employ in '99. (Much like I did with Younkers and Carsons.)

Apparently, someone boo-boo'd somewhere, and a charge was made using his old credit card number, which reactivated and reopened the account. The charge was made from Lansing, Michigan on 11/24/04. The largest problem with this is that Tweak was at work in Chicago, Illinois, the entire day, and can prove it. And also, that someone keying in the wrong account number shouldn't be able to use a cancelled account number. It should have registered as not being a usable number, and the person should have been asked for another form of tender, and/or the associate making the sale should have been directed to contact Credit Account Services immediately.

So, Tweak called them a couple of times, was passed around from person to person the entire time, and was ultimately told that he was responsible for the charges. Obviously, he's disputing that, which is exactly what he should do, and he wrote a letter to the Credit Billing Disputes department of Field's, explaining his problem. He also filed a police report and did all the stuff that their Credit Card Fraud department had instructed him to do.

And some time has passed without anything being done on Field's end of things.

Now he's totally freaking out because this event is currently negatively reflecting upon his financial credibility. Having an extremely-past-due balance with missed payments on a credit report isn't so attractive when you're trying to refinance your condo.

I read the letter he wrote, and I told him he should word it more strongly. Instead of saying that it was inconveniencing him, he should say that if this is how they treat their customers, past and present, he couldn't in good faith continue to shop at any of their stores, and would recommend the same to everyone he knows. And that if this wasn't resolved promptly in a manner that pleased him, he would be contacting the Better Business Bureau, the Attorney General's office, and whichever State Representative would be most interested in one of their constituents being unjustly penalized by a corporate error.

Grab them by the whatzits and get their full attention. I told him to put the smack down on Field's. Give them the whammy. Shake 'em up. Make 'em whimper at his heels. Show them who's boss.

But, he decided to leave it as he wrote it, so he'll just have to see what happens. He just wants the problem resolved and for them to acknowledge their mistake and apologize -- an apology which he might be waiting a very long time to hear.

I think they'd snap to attention faster if he was more menacing, but he's really just a big girl at heart, and doesn't have the stomach for that sort of thing*.
..........
*Strangely, I don't have the stomach for most anything, but I am more than able to threaten, cajole, and menace companies that piss me off. Maybe it's because I'm a smaller girl.

my mom kicks your mom's ass.

...i love my mom*

06.27.05

My mom is so cool.

Today, she emailed me the following:

"Subject: 602 NUMBER

"TURN-KEY SOLUTIONS IN PHOENIX IS AN ADULT WEB-SITE SELLER.
THEY HAVE NUMEROUS COMPLAINTS AGAINST THEM FOR VIOLATING DO NOT CALL LIST.

"MOM"

Seriously, how cool is that?

I mean, would your mom investigate some telemarketing firm that's stalking you from afar?

Let's see:

Turn-Key Solutions
(602) 347-7366
(602) 242-8249
6019 N 43rd Ave
Pheonix, AZ 85019

I wonder how they'd feel if I called them up everyday, didn't leave a message, and then hung up on them if they actually answered?
..........

*Of course, I love my mom everyday.

She's my best friend #1.

It's just that sometimes I extra love her, because she super rocks some days more than the normal amount of rocking she does on other, more normal days.

howl's flying castle

...even his voice is dreamy

06.26.05

Back in the day, my friend Tasha was a movie reviewer for the Daily Iowan, and her love of the cinema has not waned an iota since those days. In fact, now she works in the AV Club of The Onion, and gets to watch better movies, and even interviews people like Denis Leary.

Earlier this month, she wrote about Howl's Moving Castle, which is a movie based on a book she loved as a child. Now, I love Japanese animation, and I love young adult fantasy novels, and pretty much anything media-based that Tasha's recommended in the past has always entertained me.

Plus, the English voice cast of the movie has Christian Bale playing the voice of Howl. As has been previously established, I adore Christian Bale in pretty much all forms - juvenile, chubby, scruffy, maniacal, militant, ecumenical, dragon-slaying, whatever.

So, I went to see the movie today, and it was totally awesome. The only remotely sucky thing about it was the fact that because it is technically a children's movie, or at least is billed as being such, there were noisy children in the theater, asking a lot of stupid questions throughout the course of the movie.

The first time the moving castle walked into view on the screen, the kid to the right of me, who had to be at least ten, asked his mother, "What's that walking building?"

Oh, I don't know... maybe it's THE MOVING CASTLE that the film title references. You know, the movie HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE.

I didn't say a word. I just clutched the arm of my seat a little tighter, and then took a long swallow of my $3.95 bottle of water from the concession stand.

I wasn't too terribly pleased with the child's relative proximity to my person in the first place*, and I knew it would go to a bad place if I opened my mouth.

So I didn't.

I just ignored the woman's running explanation of the entire plot of the movie to her idiot child, and focused on the loveliness of the film. I wish it had been a little longer, though. I'm sure there are things that the book explained more thoroughly, and I bet they would have been as glorious to see on the big screen as the rest of it was.

Despite the presence of noisy children, I enjoyed this movie so much that I am so totally buying it when it comes out on DVD, and I'll totally go see it again if anyone wants to go see it with me. I'd even see it on IMAX, if it were playing there.

In fact, I enjoyed it so much that it made me want to sprint across the street to Borders and buy a copy. Which I kind of did, after the film ended. However, according to Border's Title Sleuth, it is out of print and takes several days to arrive at the store.

I did take the opportunity to read the back of several other books by the author, and have decided that I would like to read pretty much all of them in the near future.

And in fact, when I got home from the movie, I ordered Howl's Moving Castle, The Castle in the Air, and the The Chronicles of Chrestomanci Vols. 1 & 2 from Amazon. Now I just need to get Mixed Magics : Four Tales of Chrestomanci and Conrad's Fate (Chrestomanci Books)**.

In summation, I recommend seeing this movie.
..........
* I mean, there were easily 2/3rd of the seats in the theater available, and yet this yappy woman and her yappy stupid child had to park their asses immediately next to me. I don't really like strangers sitting next to me in a full theater, so the whole sitting next to me when there is more than enough space for EVERYONE in the theater to comfortably have a vacant seat in between each and every one of them sort of rubs me the wrong way.

Strangers in close proximity during Batman Begins sneak preview, I accept. This invasion of space though? This rankles me.

**Hmm. I do have a birthday in like 13 days...

askpixie - traduzca, por favor.

askpixie.

06.25.05

Boletín de prensa de Quest Race
CARRERA URBANA

Día Mundial del`Medio`Ambiente
México DF, 5 de Junio de 2005
La Ciudad Más Grande del Mundo, con uno de sus días mas bellos y calurosos, fueron magnífico escenario para que un poderoso ejército de paz, cabalgara en sus corceles de hierro.

Ahora escalando con cuerdas el segundo piso del periférico, luego viajando en el Metro con todo y bicicleta, después conquistando La Torre Mayor hasta el piso 51 por las escaleras o haciendo ciclismo de montaña en la escalinata del Auditorio Nacional. No son atletas, ni deportistas comunes, son otra cosa, podríamos compararlos con disciplinados soldados con los que se pudiera formar el ejército más poderoso del mundo, si es que no fueran enemigos de las armas y la violencia.

Unas son bellas mujeres, otros son niños, viejos o jóvenes. Sin distinción… aquí la apariencia, la posición económica o social no importan, nadie se fija. Encontramos hombres y mujeres muy altos los otros no tanto, aquellos son musculosos estos leones rasurados, por aquí vemos alguno flaco otro gordo, moreno o güero, descubrimos equipos formados por padre e hijo y una mamá con su hija, también los hay con dotes naturales, mientras otros con dotes adquiridas por el sacrificio y el esfuerzo, sin embargo el común denominador es el entusiasmo y una indomable voluntad para terminar las duras pruebas y llegar a la meta en Chapultepec, en donde sudorosos y cansados nadie se queja, todo el mundo se divierte; su deporte no es la simple carrera, ni la pura bicicleta, ni el triatlón, su deporte ahora… es de aventura, son la nueva generación, son:

Elite de conquistadores de Quest Race.

Alrededor de 150 equipos de dos personas y diez distintas categorías, desde la categorí de los elites que hicieron un espectacular ascenso, con cuerda y jumar, al segundo piso del periférico, hasta la de principiantes, pasando por intermedios y avanzados, se unieron a la celebración del día mundial del medio ambiente, la Secretaria del Medio Ambiente de DF, Claudia Sheinbaum acompañada por altas autoridades del Gobierno, dio el banderazo de salida a las 8:30 en punto, en los puentes de San Antonio, la meta en la segunda sección de Chapultepec. La seguridad brindada por el Gobierno del DF fue impecable, asistidos por la policía del DF y por más de 200 personas entre los que se encontraba el staff profesional de Quest Race formado por connotados deportistas de aventura.

Por si lo anterior fuera poco, los atletas de aventura fueron recibidos en la meta por un festival cultural-musical organizado por la autoridad del DF.

Los ocho estupendos Iconos de la Gran Ciudad:

1. El segundo piso del periférico
2. La Ciclo Vía
3. El Metro
4. El Paseo de la Reforma
5. El Ángel de la Independencia
6. El Auditorio Nacional
7. La Torre Mayor
8. Chapultepec

Magníficamente escenarios escogidos por Fernando Trejo, Director de Quest Race en donde se efectuaron las duras pruebas de aventura. Ver resultados oficiales en www.carreranocturna.com

Atentamente
Quest Race

Okay, so babelfish is translating that as the following (with my reinterpretation in parentheses):

"Quest Race Press Bulletin
URBAN RACE

"World-wide Day of the Medio.ambiente Mexico DF, 5 of June of 2005 the Biggest City of the World, with one of their beautiful and warm days but, was magnificent scene so that a powerful army of peace, rode in his corceles of iron.

(On June 5, 2005, International Environmental Day, the Federal District of Mexico -- the Biggest City of the World, was the magnificent scene of a powerful army of peace, riding steeds of iron.)

"Now scaling with cords the second floor of the peripheral one, soon traveling in the Meter yet and bicycle, later conquering the Greater Tower until floor 51 by the stairs or making cycling of mountain in the perron of the National Audience. They are not athletes, nor sport common, are another thing, we could compare them with disciplined soldiers with whom the powerful army the more of the world could be formed, if it is that they were not enemy of the arms and the violence.

(Scaling the second floor of the peripheral one - auxiliary? - by rope, then traveling on the Metro by bicycle, and later conquering La Torre Mayor's 51 floors by climbing stairs, or mountain biking the flight of steps of the Auditorio Nacional, these men and women are not atheletes or regular sports fans, but something else. We could call them disciplined soldiers with whom the most powerful army in the world could be formed, if they weren't firmly against weapons and violence.)

"They are beautiful women, others are young, old or young. Without distinction... here the appearance, the economic or social position does not matter, nobody pays attention. We found men and very high women, the others not as much, those that are muscular, shaved lions, this way we see some skinny another fat person, colored person or güero, we discovered equipment formed by father and son and a mother with her daughter, also is with natural dowries, while others with dowries acquired by the sacrifice and the effort, nevertheless the common denominator is the enthusiasm and an indomitable will to finish the hard tests and to arrive at the goal in Chapultepec, in where sudorosos and tired nobody complaint, everybody is amused; its sport is the simple race, neither the pure bicycle, nor triatlón, its sport now... is of adventure, is the new generation, is:

(They are beautiful women, others with children, the old and the young. Here there is no importance placed on appearance, economic status, or social position, because these things don't matter and they are ignored. We found very tall men and women, and others who are less so; muscular shaved lions; the skinny and the fat; colored people or güero*. We discover teams of father and son, and a mother and her daughter. Some people with natural ability, while others with abilities acquired through hard work and sacrifice; and all of them sharing the enthusiasm and indomitable will to finish the difficult challenges and arrive at their goal in Chapultepec, where sweaty and tired, but without complaint, everyone is happy. The sport is simple -- no longer purely bicycling or triathalon. It's challenge and adventure, and appeals to the new generation of:)

"Elite of conquerors of Quest Race. Around 150 equipment of two people and ten different categories, from the category of elites that made a spectacular ascent, with cord and jumar, to the second floor of the peripheral one, to the one of nascent, happening through intervals and advanced, they were united to the celebration of the world-wide day of the medio.ambiente, the Secretary of the Medio.ambiente of the DF, Claudia Sheinbaum accompanied by high authorities of the Government, o'clock gave banderazo from exit to 8:30, in the bridges of San Antonio, the goal in the second section of Chapultepec. The security offered by the Government of the DF was impeccable, attended by the police of the DF and more than 200 people between whom was the professional staff of Quest Race formed by connotados sport of adventure.

(The elite competitors of the Quest Race. Around 150 teams of two people in ten different categories, from the veteran players that spectacularly ascend the peripheral one with rope and jumar**, to the amateur beginner, passing through intermediate and advanced, all celebrating International Environmental Day. At 8:30, from the bridges of San Antonio, the Environmental Secretary of the DF, Claudia Sheinbaum, along with high members of Goverment, waved the starting flag to begin the the second half of the event, the race to the finish line at Chapultepec. The DF's Governmental security was impeccable, attended by the DF police, and more than 200 people, between whom was the professional staff of Quest Race, formed to promote adventure sporting.)

"In case the previous thing outside little, the adventure athletes were received in the goal by a festival cultural-musical comedy organized by the authority of the DF.

(And in case that wasn't enough, the adventure athletes were treated at the finish to a cultural-musical comedy festival, organized under the authority of the DF.)

"The eight wonderful Icons of the Great City:

1. The second floor of the periphery***

2. the Ciclo Via

3. The Metro

4. El Paseo de al Reforma,

5. El Ángel de la Independencia

6. The National Auditorium

7. La Torre Mayor

8. Chapultepec

"Magnificently scenes chosen by Fernando Trejo, Director of Quest Race in where the hard tests of adventure took place.

(The magnificent places where the difficult challenges occured, chosen by Fernando Trejo, Director of Quest Race.)

"To see official results in www.carreranocturna.com

(To see the official results, please visit... you know.)

"Kindly,
Quest Race"

Well, golly gee. I'm sure flattered that you'd think I'd care about some sort of adventure challenge happening in the Mexico that terminates in Chapultepec.

Because I don't.

But, I did apparently care enough to try and figure out what the fuck the message said, because babelfish sure didn't help me very much.

Sometimes I have too much free time.

-- pixie

**********

*No idea what that means.

**A type of climbing device.

***Peripheral does have a definition that means "auxiliary." I was wondering if maybe there was an auxiliary building that they were actually referring to, because "the peripheral" sounds weird as a destination.

do you have a question for askpixie? mail: askpixie(at)pixiemartin(dot)com

(if you want to know about some form of thermal relaxing, click here.)

If pixie can't help, you're screwed.™

(disclaimer: as you can imagine, askpixie is not a licensed therapist, nor is she a doctor of anything. she has, however, had enough problems in her life, and enough damn therapy, that she can pretty much handle most of what you could probably throw at her. and whatever she can't directly answer herself, she will do her best to find an answer for you elsewhere. unless otherwise noted, all thoughts and opinions expressed herein, therein, and whereverin you're looking, are © pixiemartin, 2005. you gotta problem with that, punk?)

private reserve and public annoyance

... luxuriant and well-read enough already

06.24.05

One of the particularly nice benefits of working for a corporately-own salon is gratis. For you see, when a large company has a large account with a product vendor, the vendors tend to be very generous in wooing the client, namely us.

At Younkers (Saks Inc), whenever a company would launch a new product line, or relaunch a newly restyled old product line, we'd get a selection of stylist samples. We try the products, we like the products, we sell the products. You know. When Matrix Sleek.look came out, I got all 5 items in the line at the time, all in a cute puffy orange plastic tote. When Paul Mitchell introduced Super Skinny, I got the shampoo and conditioner. When Redken relaunched their Extreme line, I got shampoo, conditioner, a deep treatment, and a leave-in. Actually, I got two of these sets.

At My Current Place of Employment, Alterna has just started wooing us. They sent us 12-packs of full-sized stylist samples, including Hemp Seed Texture Glaze, Hemp Seed Sculpting Putty, and Hemp Seed Repair Weekly Treatment.

And then they sent us White Truffle Luxury Shampoo and White Truffle Luxury Conditioner. They retail at our location, respectively, for $30 and $36.

Now honestly, I have no need for $66 shampoo and conditioner. I've still got so much fucking stuff left over from Saks Inc. gratis, that I'm still set for a couple of years. And since I was given the products to take home and use however I see hit, I decided to sell them on eBay.

People are ponying up $40 or so for the sets on eBay, not realizing that it can be had for around $70 elsewhere, and I'm more than happy to sell mine.

So, after a week, and starting at $9.99 for a bid, the auction ended, and now I'm awaiting $38 payment on paypal, so I can ship the set out.

I still at the heart of things think the people buying this crap are suckers, but it's their money. It's just too bad they don't realize that you can buy it online in various other, and possibly more legitimate, places, like beautysak.com. And if there's an Ulta nearby, they have it for cheap too. They don't sell it on their website, but they do in their stores. I know because I've seeeen it with my own eyes.

**********

After a telemarketing firm in the Phoenix area called me 4 times this week, and I actually repeatedly told them that I wasn't interested in receiving the Chicago Tribune, they AGAIN called me today. I swear I am going to knock some skulls together. I don't care if it is an exceptionally good deal, and that reading the paper at home is a swell thing to do -- I can read it at work for free if I so desire, which I generally don't. I don't care about the special rate they're offering. I'm more interested in them leaving me alone.

To me, the most curious part of this whole thing though, is that the telemarketing firm's number lists on my caller id as an actual number, and not as some vague "Unknown," "Restricted," or "Outside Caller" listing.Granted, you can't actually dial it to any effect, but at least it is recognizable. I mean, you can dial it, but you'll just get an earful of busy signal.

destiny's child irritates me.

...independent hypocrite pt. 2

06.23.05

I don't like Destiny's Child. Never have, never will.

No particular reason, either. I just don't care for their music.

There is, however, one thing that has particularly irritated me for a while -- the lyrics to the songs, "Independent Women" & "Independent Woman Pt. II."

"Independent Women"

Lucy Liu... with my girl, Drew... Cameron D. and Destiny
Charlie's Angels, Come on
Uh uh uh

Question: Tell me what you think about me
I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings
Only ring your cell-y when I'm feelin lonely
When it's all over please get up and leave
Question: Tell me how you feel about this
Try to control me boy you get dismissed
Pay my own fun, oh and I pay my own bills
Always 50/50 in relationships

[Chorus 1]
The shoes on my feet
I've bought it
The clothes I'm wearing
I've bought it
The rock I'm rockin'
'Cause I depend on me
If I wanted the watch you're wearin'
I'll buy it
The house I live in
I've bought it
The car I'm driving
I've bought it
I depend on me
(I depend on me)

[Chorus 2]
All the women who are independent
Throw your hands up at me
All the honeys who makin' money
Throw your hands up at me
All the mommas who profit dollas
Throw your hands up at me
All the ladies who truly feel me
Throw your hands up at me

Girl I didn't know you could get down like that
Charlie, how your Angels get down like that
Girl I didn't know you could get down like that
Charlie, how your Angels get down like that

Tell me how you feel about this
Who would I want if I would wanna live
I worked hard and sacrificed to get what I get
Ladies, it ain't easy bein' independent
Question: How'd you like this knowledge that I brought
Braggin' on that cash that he gave you is to front
If you're gonna brag make sure it's your money you flaunt
Depend on noone else to give you what you want

[Chorus 1]

[Chorus 2]

Girl I didn't know you could get down like that
Charlie, how your Angels get down like that
Girl I didn't know you could get down like that
Charlie, how your Angels get down like that

Destiny's Child
Wassup?
You in the house?
Sure 'nuff
We'll break these people off Angel style

Child of Destiny
Independent beauty
Noone else can scare me
Charlie's Angels

Woah,
[Chorus 2]

Girl I didn't know you could get down like that
Charlie, how your Angels get down like that
[repeat until fade]

&

"Independent Women pt. 2"

What you think about a girl like me?
Buy my own car and spend my own money
Only ring your celly when I'm feeling lonely
When it's all over please get up and leave

Please don't call me baby
Cause I'll call you
Don't mean to hurt you feelings, got a lot to do
Cause I'm am my number one priority
No falling in love, no commitment from me

[Chorus 1]
All my independent women
Throw them hands up at me
And all my sexy women
Throw them hands up at me
All my money making women
Throw them hands up at me
All my baller women
Throw them hands up at me

[Chorus 2]
If you feel it
Throw them hands up
Where them hands at?
If you feel it?
Where the ladies?
Where my homegirls?
Where my females?
Where all my women?

How you feel about a girl like this?
Try to control me, boy you'll get dismissed
Do what I want, live how I wanna live
Buy my own diamonds, and pay my own bills

Please don't call me baby
Cause I'll call you
Don't mean to hurt you feelings, got a lot to do
Cause I'm am my number one priority
No falling in love, no commitment from me

[Chorus 1]

[Chorus 2]

How did you feel about this groove I wrote?
Hope you got the message ladies take control
Don't depend on no man to give you what you want
Keep that in mind next time you hear this song

If you're independent
I congratulate you
If you ain't in love
I congratulate you
Do them boys like they used to do you
If you pimp him
I congratulate you

[Chorus 1]

[Chorus 2]

[Chorus 2]

If I hurt your feelings boy
I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you yeah
I thought you knew yeah
I got no time to fall in love with you yeah

[Chorus 1]

[Chorus 1]

Now, you're probably thinking to yourself, "What is so bad about being empowered, and wanting to empower other women?"

Well, nothing. Except for these lyrics to one of their very first songs, "Bills, Bills, Bills."

"Bills, Bills, Bills"

At first we started out real cool
Taking me places I ain't never been
But now, you're getting comfortable
Ain't doing those things you did no more
You're slowly making me pay for things
Your money should be handling
And now you ask to use my car (car)
Drive it all day and don't fill up the tank
And you have the audacity
To even come and step to me
Ask to hold some money from me
Until you get your check next week

You triflin', good for nothing type of brother
Silly me, why haven't I found another?
A baller, when times get hard
I need someone to help me out
Instead of a scrub like you
Who don't know what a man's about

[Chorus:]
Can you pay my bills?
Can you pay my telephone bills?
Do you pay my automo' bills?
If you did then maybe we could chill
I don't think you do
So, you and me are through
Can you pay my bills?
Can you pay my telephone bills?
Do you pay my automo' bills?
If you did then maybe we could chill
I don't think you do
So, you and me are through

Now you've been maxing out my card (card)
Gave me bad credit, buyin' me gifts with my own ends
Haven't paid the first bill
But instead you're headin' to the mall
Goin' on shopping sprees perpetrating
Telling your friends that you be ballin'
And then you use my cell phone (phone)
Callin' whoever that you think's at home
And then when the bill comes
All of a sudden you be acting dumb
Don't know where none of these calls come from
When your momma's number's here more than once

You triflin', good for nothing type of brother
Silly me, why haven't I found another?
A baller, when times get hard
I need someone to help me out
Instead of a scrub like you
Who don't know what a man's about

[Repeat Chorus]

[Bridge]

You triflin', good for nothing type of brother
Oh silly me, why haven't I found another
You triflin', good for nothing type of brother
Oh silly me, why haven't I found another
You triflin', good for nothing type of brother
Oh silly me, why haven't I found another
You triflin', good for nothing type of brother
Oh silly me, why haven't I found another

[Repeat Chorus 4 times]

Okay, so let me get this straight.

When you're starting out in the industry and have no money of your own, you expect some man to pay for everything. And if he stops paying for everything, you dump him for some other chump that will pony up the cash to support your lifestyle.

But now, you've got some serious money in the bank, and you don't need a man to pay for anything. If you want something, you'll get it because you can buy it all yourself.

Of course, this ability to be a rich bitch makes you an equal partner in any relationship, and if a man isn't down with that, you don't need him.

In fact, the only man you really need is a booty-call without any attachment -- someone you can ride like a pony and then send home. You don't need love or committment, because you only look out for yourself.

Oh, and now if a woman happens to have a chump that will pony up the cash to support her lifestyle, she's 'fronting.' Which is apparently bad.

Not only are you rich, but you are judgemental, and only respect other rich bitches.

Maybe this "fronter" is just new to the industry, and doesn't have any money of her own to pay for anything. Maybe she's just following the philosophy that you've handed down in the past -- take advantage as long as you can, and if your needs aren't being met, move on to greener pastures.

Fucking hypocrites.

You know, I actually feel better now about not liking Destiny's Child.

I wasn't feeling bad in any way about not liking them, but now I extra don't feel bad about not liking them. I might almost go as far as to say I almost hate them.

I think I'd have to actually know them to really hate them.

I will admit, though, that I felt a certain pleasure when Kelly Rowland got herself perished in Jason vs. Freddy.

telephonic love from phoenix.

...i thought it was over

06.22.05

Okay, starting in late April, I started receiving pairs of calls from a number in Phoenix, AZ.

Well, not necessarily from Phoenix, but definitely from the 602 area code, which contains: Anthem, Arizona State Lottery (duh, the state lottery), Carefree, CTC (a freight forwarding service), Desert Hills, Dial Corp (the soap people), Greyhound Dial Corp (a long-distance moving company), Laveen, & Phoenix.

I get one call at some variable time on one weekday, and then I receive another call either the next day, or the next business day, also at some variable time.

They never leave voicemail, and if I actually manage to answer the phone before they hang up, no one is there on the other end of the line.

The first six calls came within a 16 day period, and when I didn't get another one, I figured they had stopped. But no, 39 days later, they started again.

• Tuesday, 04/26/05 @ 04:50p, & Wednesday, 04/27/05 @ 09:24a.
• Friday, 05/06/05 @ 11:57a, & Monday, 05/09/05 @ 06:13p.
• Wednesday, 05/11/05 @ 05:57p, @ Thursday, 05/12/05 @ 03:23p
• Monday, 06/20/05 @ 04:46p, & Tuesday, 06/21/05 @ 07:42p

After the sixth call, the one I actually answered, I finally decided to call the number on my caller id, 602.973.9535, and see what was going on.

Of course, it was just a busy signal.

I know it's a telemarketing company of some sort, but why wouldn't they either leave a message, or actually just talk to me when I answered the phone?

If I called someone 8 times, and managed to never get ahold of them (to my knowledge), I might be inclined to, oh, I don't know, say... leave a fucking message?

Amusingly, I'm not the only one curious as to whom the number belongs.

So, I went and finally registered for the Do Not Call list, and even signed up the number for the salon.

I get tired of having to explain to telephone solicitors that the salon is part of a corporation, and that all decisions regarding whatever they are hawking is made at the corporate level, and that I have nothing to do with it.

And then sometimes they ask for the number to Corporate, which I won't give them. As far as I'm concerned, if they want to land a corporate account that large, let them do a little legwork of their own.

glad tidings.

...feeling midsummery

06.21.05
(HAPPY SUMMER SOLSTICE/MIDSUMMER, YA BLESSED HEATHENS!)

Chooga.
Chooga.
Chooga.

Woot!
Woot!

(Okay, wrong kind of train.)

But, I am still happy that Summer finally started.

(Even the people on the side of the train are dancing in joy.)

Inclement weather, begone!

P.S. Only 18 more shopping days left before the big 33.

the waiting game

...i hate bureaucracy

06.21.05

Okay, I have this one credit card that I have been judiciously using and paying off, without accruing any interest until July 1st 2005, whereupon the interest rate goes to 9.99%.

It has a pretty small balance, but I still can't afford to pay it all off before the end of this month.

Recently I got an offer in the mail from Sears (Citibank) Mastercard, to transfer balances from other credit cards, without fees or penalties, and pay 3.99% for the life of the transfer repayment.

Now, I don't know about you, but I would rather pay 3.99% than 9.99%. So, I decided to call the provided telephone number, and get the ball rolling before July 1st.

As you may or may not recall, I had an issue with some bastard trying to use my Mastercard to shop at allgear.net. This resulted in that account being closed, and also with me getting a new card with a new account number.

For some reason, I never bothered to activate the card. So, in order to do this balance transfer transaction, I had to activate the card, which I did. I told the lady on the other end of the phone all of the hoo-hah and clap-trap that you have to share with them to get anything done, which I believe involved the 3-digit security number on the back of the card.

A few minutes later, I called the 800-number to do the transfer, and got connected to a guy that made me tell him all of the information I had just shared with the lady, which took several minutes to accomplish. I had to answer security questions, know all the relevant numerical stuff related to being me, and then finally give the man the account number and 3-digit security number on the back of the card.

"Uh, oh. We have a problem."

What?

"The security number that you gave us isn't the one that we have listed for your account."

That is the number on the card that you people sent to me. That is the number on the card that I just validated, using that 3-digit security number.

"But it isn't the three-digit number we have on file for your account."

Look, this is the only card that you guys have sent me in the last year. I can't help it that you have a different number than I do.

"Unfortunately, Miss Lxxxx, we can't proceed with any action on your account until you have the proper 3-digit number."

So, you acknowledge that I am who I say I am, and yet you're telling me that because you guys screwed up somewhere, I can't transfer the balance from a credit card with the same exact name, same exact social security number, and same exact billing address as the information you have on file for me, to the card I have with your company.

"I'm sorry, but we can't do anything unless you can tell us the 3-digit security number on your account. However, we can reissue you the card, and you should receive it within the next 7 to 10 business days."

Which could potentially be after July 1st, when Sear's offer expires, and I also have to start paying interest on the account whose balance I wish to transfer.

"That shouldn't happen, but let me transfer you to someone that can get your card out to you asap. Can I help you with anything else, before I transfer you?"

Nope. I think that about does it all for me.

"Have a nice day, and don't hesitate to call us back if you need any further assistance."

Yeah, I'll get right on that.

Grr. So, I talk to some woman and explain the situation, she tut-tuts, and then says she'll send a new card out immediately. And that I should also have a nice day.

And for now, I play the waiting game.

Bastards.

mmm, toasty.

...in the news

06.20.05

Yesterday, one block away from The Place Wherein I Am Employed, the local Dominick's grocery store burned to the ground.

Apparently there were huge clouds of black smoke billowing over the roof of our building, creating an unnatural, noxious fog in the parking lot outside.

I am glad that I don't work Sundays, because I have low tolerance for inhalation of smoke, which was apparently all-pervasive for a several block radius.

I drove past the site on my way home tonight, but all I could see through the looky loos was a burnt out shell and some rubble.

It's not like I really shopped there or anything, but I liked the thought of being able to run over and get something at lunchtime. Now I totally have nowhere in the neighborhood to buy those little gelatin parfait cups.




I hear they plan to rebuild.

food update

...i smell bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon

In case you were worrying about my hunger, I did the following:

1. Ate lemon knot from yesterday.
2. Chopped up frozen packet of bacon, and then cooked it all.
3. Chopped up grape tomatoes, and added seasoning.
4. Got romaine lettuce hearts from fridge and selected 4 fine leaves for the purpose of sandwichery, returning said remaining lettuce to crisper.
5. Got mayo from fridge.
6. Toasted 2 slices of wheat bread.
7. Toasted 2 more slices of wheat bread.
   
8. Made a BLT.
   
9. Ate a BLT.
10. Made another BLT.
11. Put away all of the BLT fixings.
    
12. Ate the second BLT.
13. Got the mayo, lettuce, bread, tomatoes and bacon out of the fridge.
14. Toasted 1 slice of bread.
15. Cut toast in half and made another 1/2 BLT.
16. Put fixings away.
17. Got Lime Coke from fridge and Breyer's Natural Vanilla Ice Cream from freezer.
18. Made Coke float.
19. Put Coke and Breyer's away.
20. Drank Float.
21. Felt very very full. A dooce level of fullness.

And yes, I'm embracing the Georgia font.

on my mind right now

...in my head

06.19.05

Things I'm thinking about right now:

• I'm think I'm getting tired of Arial.
• Maybe I like Georgia*. or Courier. Wait, didn't I already have Courier at some point? I know I had Lucida.
• Sears.com irritates me, and Citibank can bite my ass.
  
• If Cricket does not stop banging her water dish around in the bathtub, I'm going to start banging it around on her.
• I'm still not as funny as I used to be back in the day..
• My lips are all peely.
• *yawn*
• I'm hungry. Maybe I'll make BLTs.
• I wish I had pitas.
• Ooh, a mango sounds good.
• Where's my water?
• Mr. Winkle sure is cute.
• Ooh, I sitll have that lemon knot from yesterday.

..........

*Matty is a self-professed copy cat. Bwahaha. Look ma, I'm trendy again!

askpixie - unsolicited beauty advice

askpixie.

06.18.05

(I know that I said that I wasn't going to answer anymore TR queries on here, and that wasn't a lie. However, if other people want to give tidbits of advice to my readership, I'm more than happy to facilitate the knowledge transference. And since I still know diddly about eyelash extension stuff beyond what I've been told, here's the rest of the info I've been sent. -- pixie)

Hi Pixie,

If anyone ever asks you about japanese hair straightening in Vancouver (BC, Canada) using the Liscio system, I'd recommend a place I just had it done at: AOi Beauty salon (they have a website.. I think it is www.aoibeauty.com). I've had my hair TR'd three times now at three different salons and this is by far the best one -- the most skilled technicians and the best chemical system (Liscio versus the other two I've had: Yuko and bio ionic) and not too expensive: $235 Cdn. I'll be going back there for my touch-ups and would highly recommend it to anyone.Just thought I'd let you know in case any more hair advice requests come your way.

Hi,

Saw your website. Just thought that you'd want to know that there are
places in NYC (Manhattan) that offer TR (specifically Liscio, which is
supposed to be the best of the three) for under $400. Believe me, I've
done major research on this.

Giovanni Sacchi is an Upper East Side Salon www.GiovanniSacchi.com
They range between $275 and $325 (depending on hair length.) That price
does not include tax or tip. I've had it done there 2 times myself and
have had absolutely no problems.
A place I have not been to, but one that seems to be highly recommended
at several message boards I've see is Hayato New York
www.hayato-ny.com They seen to be rock bottom at $150-170 (depending
on whether Hayato himself or one of the other stylists does it. Also,
doesn't include tax and tip.) However, I heard there is a waiting list.
Still, at those prices...

BTW, I think that anyone who has TR done and has any major hair problems
as a result has been ripped off (or lied to the stylist about having
bleach or highlights in their hair). I've known a few people who had it
done (including myself, of course) and their hair is great!!! Sometimes
a little teeny bit dry, but nothing that a protein treatment can't fix.

Ilona

hi,

thank you so much for all of your advice!

my friend recently got her hair straightened at this salon in manhattan called hidy hair (www.hidyhair.com). im probably getting mine done their too, since her hair came out near perfect. they use a straightening technique called japanese magic straight. it uses the liscio brand. i was wondering if you knew anything about this salon and the products they use and how good both are so, just in case, i dont make a big mistake

and ruin my hair. thank you! <3>

P.S. i love your website!

Pixie

I noticed your site and just wanted to extend some information:
www.foxelashes.com - lash extensions last up to 60 days. I provide training and kits.

Regards,
Meme Rhee
www.foxelashes.com

Regarding Eyelash Extensions:

I would like to add one more bit of information. Many people complain
about the price of extensions and seek out the bargin. Make sure they
are using real asian glue and the strand by strand method or you aren't
getting the real deal. My glue is about $90 per bottle and lashes cost
about $35 to $80 per container. So be carefull, there are those who
offer eyelash extensions but they aren't using these unique supplies.
You pay less but you get only a couple weeks of wear and perhaps some
damaged eyelashes as well.

I sell the kits, instruct licensed beauty professionals and offer
eyelash extensions to my clients here in Nevada. This method is a strand
by strand bonding method. Each lash has its own extension. Now we don't
use the so called individual lashed with 3 or more lashes attached to a
tiny bulb. It is truely one hair at a time. As the client sheds their
own natural lashes they shed their extension. The glue is nothing like
anything you can buy at the store or any beauty supply. My glue bonds
for about 3 months. You naturally shed your natural lash before this
glue looses its bond. Your eyelashes do not become damaged from the
glue. Breakage is almost always due to the client pulling. Rubbing or
using harsh cleansers. This method is very simple to learn but it takes
a skilled hand with a good eye for detail. 1 to 2 hours it how long this
process takes. Never can you get this glue in the eyes and you just can
not make a mistake. A mistake can not be undone.

It you have any quesstions. Need trainning or kits let me know.

Theresa Garcia
Theresagarcia10@yahoo.com
775-513-6646
Tg

Eyelash Extension Information:

I have seen a lot of questions about eyelash extensions on here, go to lavishlashes.com and buy a kit that includes a DVD for applying lashes or inquire if they have a professional near you or if you want to be a professional. The glue is great and lasts for over a month!

Larra G.

do you have a question for askpixie? mail: askpixie(at)pixiemartin(dot)com

(if you want to know about some form of thermal relaxing, click here.)

If pixie can't help, you're screwed.™

(disclaimer: as you can imagine, askpixie is not a licensed therapist, nor is she a doctor of anything. she has, however, had enough problems in her life, and enough damn therapy, that she can pretty much handle most of what you could probably throw at her. and whatever she can't directly answer herself, she will do her best to find an answer for you elsewhere. unless otherwise noted, all thoughts and opinions expressed herein, therein, and whereverin you're looking, are © pixiemartin, 2005. you gotta problem with that, punk?)

later batman musing.

...i just had a thought

06.17.05

The only thing that could have made Batman Begins any more enjoyable to me would have been sitting up in the stadium seating area instead of on the floor level, getting to enjoy it for the first time with both Tif and Wil, and a preponderance of hot buttered popcorn, Hot Tamales, and a cherry cola Icee.

Or, maybe if there was just some obligatory scene* in the movie where, for some crucial plot reason, Bruce Wayne and Dr. Jonathan Crane** would both have had to strip down to their skivvies and wrassle until they were both good and sweaty. And maybe even panting a little.

I like being comfortable, I love my friends, and I very much enjoy tasty yet bad-for-me comestibles.

However, I just might trade that all for some visual fluffing, once in a while. I can only work with what I have upstairs for so long before even my imagination goes a little stale.

Oh, and I forgot to mention in my movie review just why the city of Gotham should hate this particular version of Batman. Much like Spiderman, this Batman is hated for being a vigilantee, working outside the established law. However, if I were the governing body of Gotham City, I'd hate the hell out of Batman for his large-scale decimation of the city.

Sure, there'll be a little collateral damage here and there in the continuing fight against crime, but I'm pretty sure that the Wayne Foundation would swiftly go bankrupt if it put its funding into undoing all the damage that Batman has created while fighting the good fight. You know, a little non-profit urban renewal and civic gentrification. I supposed it'd be a terrific write off come tax time, but you'd think it'd get a little suspicious after a while.

"You know, every time that horrible vigilante man bat knocks down a building or blows up a bridge, Bruce Wayne stops acting the part of the foppish boor, and has his charitable foundation undo the damage. Hmmm. Batman breaks, Wayne fixes. Naw, there's no way. But still, you never do see them together..."
..........

*It could even be an outtake. You know, a deleted scene in the Batman Begins Special Collector Edition DVD Box Set, complete with collectible authentic replica BatarangTM and special BatsignalTM Maglite® keychain***. The outtake would definitely convince me to buy it, regardless of my already buying it because I'm a Dark Knight fangirl.

**Christian Bale and Cillian Murphy. Mmmmmm.

I've seen Cillian full-on nekkid, and I've seen Christian running around in sneakers and a chain saw. Oh, the glorious first five minutes of 28 Days Later, and we mustn't forget the cinematic contributions of American Psycho****.

Bless you, Danny Boyle. Bless you, Mary Harron.

***Although, I have to admit that I would totally groove on a BatarangTM or BatsignalTM Maglite® keychain. That'd be pretty fucking cool to have hanging on a wall and dangling from a keyring.

****You know, to my rich inner fantasy life.

sinks, showers, boxes and bags.

...i have proof

06.16.05

There are certain things about Cricket that I will never understand.

One of them is her need to sleep in odd places.

Turning on the bathroom light, only to wake her up from where she's been curled up in the sink, sleeping? Check.

Pulling back the shower curtain, only to find her sprawled out lazily in the tub, giving me the stink eye for disturbing her slumber? Been there.

Having to move Cricket so that I can wear a pair of shoes? I don't call her "shoesnoozer" for nothing!

Nice, cushy, fluffy sheepskin rug on the floor, and she's holed up in a nearby shoebox or a brown paper shopping bag? Ayup.

Coming out of the bathroom to discover Cricket noisily rustling around in a Binny's bag, trying to find the right place to cash out for the afternoon? You bet.

Don't believe me?

"Hey, lazy. Wake up!"

"I think the shoes would be a better fit."

"Hey, lazy. Wake up!"

"Aren't you adorable, you little bag stealer!"

Take that, you disbelievers.

You should see how incredibly excited she gets when I receive a package.

She doesn't care what's in it. It could be a kilo of catnip, and the only reason she's pacing around and meowing loudly is because I'm taking too long opening it up and giving her the empty box to play in.

She's worse than a one year-old child at Christmas, ignoring the presents for the boxes, bows and wrapping paper.

Although, I have to admit, last holiday season, she did seem to thoroughly enjoy both the boxes and wrapping paper piled around us while we all opened our presents, although I don't believe she had access to any bows, so I don't know how she felt about them.

i'm missing you.

...i thought i was okay

06.15.05

It's been a few weeks since Trent died, and I thought I was okay with things now. I loved him a lot, and I know that he loved me, too.

Sure, I wistfully reminisce about a big lump of blue-eyed kitty, curled up next to me on the sofa, purring away blissfully while Tifling, Willybean and I would watch a movie or something together. You can't forget that kind of love. I can even hear Gabriel in a far off room, meowing, lost but knowing that we're there somewhere, and that if he yowled enough we'd reveal our secret location.

But, I guess when I was grieving his absence, I was grieving his absence in Tif and Will's life, and not mine. He'd had health problem after health problem that he always seemed to beat, but not this time. I felt sorry for Tif because I knew she felt guilty that maybe she did or didn't do something, the 'what if' guilt that a parent feels after a tragedy. And I felt terrible for Wil, because he'd been trapped in the South somewhere, conducting important business that he definitely couldn't miss, feeling the 'if only' grief of the absent parent. I was heartbroken that Trent died at the vet, although he died the least painful and swiftest way that his health status would allow, and that he didn't have loved ones around him.

When I still lived on the farm, between Iowa City and here, Celeste gave birth to a litter of three kittens. Dora the little gray tabby, Cricket the little black demon, and CJ the sweet, fluffy calico that looked like her aunt, Clarissa.

At first, all of the kittens were in fine health, seemingly free of all the maladies that seemed to plague the outside cats. But then suddenly CJ took a turn for the worse, and we all knew that she was going to die. There was no reason to take her to the vet because we all had enough experience with the farm cats to know that it'd be spending a whole lot of money on a poor creature that no one could possibly save. So, we each took turns sitting with her curled up next to us on the sofa, nestled gently in a bed made out of a soft towel and some clever twisting and tucking.

CJ was lying on the sofa next to me, curled up in her nest, almost perfectly still except for her breathing. Every once in a while she'd go still for a moment, and then make a small gasp for air, before settling back down into quiescence. Midway through my watch, the gasps were becoming further and further apart, so I turned my attention to her, gently stroking her fur and whispering to her that we loved her and that we would always love her, as she made a little coughing noise, and then silently slipped into oblivion.

Generally speaking, when you tell someone your dog died, you get a lot of sympathy and empathy and outpouring of emotion. Pats on the back, hugs, reminiscing about how wonderful Rusty was and how he reminded everyone of Marmaduke, canine-themed cards, and maybe even a mylar "With Sympathy" balloon. You might even get the day off, or at least get cut some slack in regards to some obligation or other.

When you tell someone that your cat died, you get a response more along the lines of, "Oh, jeez. That's too bad. Are you okay? Oh, and can you pass me the salt cellar, please? These potatoes are a little bland."

Trent was my friend, even if he was a cat.

He was loving and kind and sweet and more than a pet.

He was a little character that would comfort you when you felt bad, lay on your keyboard when you needed to type something, shed taupey-grey fur all over your black pants, and wake you up at 4am because he needed to climb under the covers with you.

I store things in the basement of Tif n' Wil's house because I chose an apartment that sacrificed off-season storage for semi-sheltered, private parking spaces.

Many of the times that I have gone down into their basement, whether to get something from storage, or to put something in storage, or even to go help fold sheets or something, I have had to shoo Trent away from the door and shut it firmly behind me so that he wouldn't follow me down the steps. He liked to go places that were forbidden, and the basement is rife with hidey holes and mysterious taboo goods.

Last night, I went to store a box in the basement, and reflexively pulled the handle to make sure Trent couldn't push it open. And then I realized that I didn't need to shut the door tightly behind me again. I realized that I was never going to chase Trent around the basement again, waving my arms and calling him a bad boy, until finally convincing him to run back up the steps and out into the kitchen or dining room of his own accord.

And as I wandered back up the stairs, I started weeping.

As I walked through the hall and into the office, the weeping turned into snuffling and crying, and Tif concernedly asked me what was wrong.

Between loud sobs, I managed to gasp out, "I just realized I'm never going to chase Trent around the basement again."

And then she put her arms around me as I started truly bawling, hugging me tightly, simply and sadly replying, "I know."

trying to preserve culture.

...public still means something

06.14.05

I am not a terribly political person, but this absolutely makes me want to cry:

The House is threatening to eliminate all public funding for NPR and PBS, starting with "Sesame Street," "Reading Rainbow" and other commercial-free children's shows.

To me, this is one of the lowest blows to our culture that our Government can make, so in my own way, I am making my voice heard...

This is what I am telling my Senators and Representative:

The P in both NPR & PBS is Public. Which is exactly who you are hurting if you eliminate funding for either stations.

There is a whole segment of society that has been raised on PBS/NPR, from watching "Sesame Street" as children, to listening to Garrison Keillor tell stories about Lake Woebegon on "A Prairie Home Companion" with their families on Sunday night after dinner.

Personally, I love the variety that cable television and commercial radio offer. But I also like NPR and PBS because they offer an alternative to Pop Culture.

I know many, many people that eschew the gratuitous sex and violence that cable and commercial radio disseminate.

I have no problem with hearing someone on television or the radio say, "shit" or call someone an "asshole." I am not offended by shows that feature graphic violence and gratuitous nudity, and I don't generally consider them trash.

But, I would hope that as parents, as many of you are, you wouldn't be comfortable with your babies watching that type of television, or listening to that on the radio.

And this also isn't a call to censor cable television or commercial radio. I firmly believe that the first amendment is right, and free speech should not be censored.

But if you cut the funding for Public media, you are effectively censoring some very valid, useful, educational and worthwhile freedoms of speech.

Congress must save NPR, PBS and local public stations. We trust them for in-depth news and educational children's programming. It's money well spent.

If you feel at all the same as I do, I urge you to sign this petition.

MoveOn.org is a PAC, and they can be a little over the top, but on this issue, I wholeheartedly stand behind them in this fight. I don't always agree with their actions or the way that they push a lot of their agendas, but I do think that they are generally working for the forces of good.

Thanks for letting me proselytize, and if you don't like it, that's your problem and not mine.

cinematic genesis of a hero

...i'm fangirl, who are you?

06.13.05

Friday, I came home from work to find the following email in my box:

"Kristen,

"You've won a pair of passes to Q101's screening of Batman Begins this Monday, June 13th at 7:00pm at AMC River East theatres, located at 322 E. Illinois Street in Chicago.

"PLEASE READ THE INSTRUCTIONS FOR GETTING INTO THE MOVIE. Please do not respond to this email.

"You will be on a GUEST-LIST at the theater, and you MUST bring a PHOTO I.D. to gain admittance to this screening. Bring your I.D. to the Q101 representative to receive a screening pass, which will be good for YOU PLUS ONE GUEST. You CAN NOT transfer your pass to anyone else, so please don't have someone else bring this email to the theater--they will not be admitted. Only you (and your guest) will be allowed into the theater.

"As always, please keep in mind that the theatre is overbooked to ensure capacity and we strongly recommend that you arrive early.

"At the theatre, seating is on a first come, first serve basis. Passes and R.S.V.P.'s DO NOT guarantee seating. No one will be admitted without a pass and no one will be admitted after the screening begins. Seating is not guaranteed. Theatre is not responsible for overbooking. No children under 6 years old will be admitted.

"Enjoy the film."

Well, I'll tell you, I planned to enjoy the bitch out of it.

I originally wasn't planning on taking anyone as my guest, because I would want to take both Willybean and Tifling, which obviously presented a problem -- the whole PLUS ONE GUEST thing. I decided that the best course of action was to take neither of them, but then I found out that she couldn't go and he could, so I took Willybean with me.

We ended up sitting fairly close to the front of the theater, even though I had gotten there more than an hour early to get decent seats, and to guarantee our admittance to the show. But that was okay, because the theater has cushy seats, and we weren't craning our necks all funny or anything*.

I turned around in my seat before the movie started, and I noticed that Mancow and his wife were sitting not that far from where we are, but up in the stadium seats. I pointed this out to Willybean, and he didn't know what Mancow looked like until I pointed him out.

I told Wil that it was the guy that looked kind of like Randy, except cooler and cuter, with the tiny pregnant lady next to him. Apparently, Pete the Movie Manatee was sitting on his other side, but I didn't recognize him because he doesn't actually look like a manatee, like on the radio.

A lot of other Q101 'notables' were present, including Woody, Tony, and Ravey** from the Q101 afternoon Woody Show.

Wil then pointed out that the stamp on the back of our hands was one of the vampire symbols from Blade. I then pointed out that for some reason, my stamp had almost completely worn off the back of my hand. We posited that perhaps I shouldn't attempt to leave the movie, since they had told everyone at the doors, "No stamp, no admittance." Fortunately, I peed before the stamp wore off, so we were all good.

I did wish that we had food or drink, but I didn't die of thirst or anything. I did have a rumbly tummy by the end of the show, though. Wil said that he had hoped that I would, in classic thrifty fashion, have smuggled in food and drink in my bag. I am somewhat notorious for doing things like popping two bags of micropopcorn beforehand, dumping it into a big ziploc, and smuggling it into the show in a large purse of some sort, complete with candy and a beverage of my choice -- generally water from a nearby vendor that doesn't charge $4 for one bottle. Unfortunately, I had a purse that was only large enough to conceal gum, so no dice. We thought about a food run to the lobby, but then the movie started.

Now, I loved the first two Batman movies, starring Michael Keaton, and directed by Tim Burton. Tim put a glorious spin upon the franchise, and he did it with penache. Both films are visually stunning, and Michael plays Bruce/Batman splendidly as he is defined by the film. The plotlines are equal parts serious and camp, and were perfect for their time. (They even generated great Happy Meal toys.) However, I've always enjoyed them more in the sense that they were "Tim Burton's Batman," and "Tim Burton's Batman Returns."

Which is why I've been awaiting this movie's release with baited breath. I am a Batman fangirl. I don't have posters or t-shirts, nor do I attend conventions. (I do have the Happy Meal toys from Batman Returns, but that's mostly because I worked at McDonald's during that film's reign.) I don't post on Batman bulletin boards, and I don't collect the comics. I have, however, read a great deal of them in graphic novel form, courtesy of the Iowa City Public Library, and am well-versed in the history of the Bat.

I think I like Batman as a character, because he is a man. A rich, driven man with a tortured soul and cool toys, but a man nonetheless. He has no super powers. He relies on wit, and skill, and technology. He has human strengths and weaknesses. He's the 'antihero superhero.' He's the code hero that embraces the dark. And he's a very mysterious, romantic figure.

But I digress...

Batman Begins tells the story of Batman's genesis, as you can tell from the title.

Most of the movie is exposition, and it really isn't until towards the end of the movie that Batman is a fairly completed, actualized figure. I say fairly completed, because I think that as long there is a Batman, there will be a man in a cape and cowl, answering the call of a searchlight, constantly becoming something more than he is already.

The story starts where it should, telling the well-known tale of a child's grief over witnessing his parent's shocking murder in front of him, by a man named Joe Chill, during a botched robbery attempt. You even get the obligatory breaking of the necklace and falling beads everywhere. (Joe Chill did actually kill the Waynes in the established DC Comics Universe) And it shows him growing into a discontended young man, played by Christian Bale***, who wants vengeance to quiet the nightmares in his head, but then decides that losing himself in the world is a better plan.

We follow his trials and tribulations, his training, and his return to Gotham, to focus and turn his need for vengeance into a need to seek justice in a corrupt city. And yes, there is a fair amount of ass-kicking involved -- providing action segments for the violence-seeking moviegoer. We see him take on crime in disguise, but realizing that he needs something that will inspire fear in the criminals of the city, and play upon their superstitions -- an impressive costume. And we see the fumbling and foils along the way, of taking a concept into action. Of course, Alfred and Lucius Fox figure largely into the picture during this formative state, played by Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman, respectively.

A batcave, a batmobile of sorts, lots of cool toys and gadgets, and some amusing disalog ensue. Oh, and more ass-kicking occurs.

Bruce Wayne himself is forced, at some point, to wear another disguise, and become what society expects him to be: a rich, stupid, playboy dilettante -- or at least give the appearance thereof. He can be the gritty, somber Dark Knight on his own time, but when he's in the limelight, he's got to play the part of the foolish, juvenile social butterfly.

In typical superhero movie (and comicbook) plotlines, bad guys and bad deeds are presented, as well as interesting mysteries to unravel. Ken Watanabe plays a fairly small but memorable role, Liam Neeson is excellent in the Ra's al Ghul part of the story, and Cillian Murphy shows up deliciously as Jonathan Frame, director of Arkham Asylum, and future Batman nemesis, Scarecrow****.

We also have Katie Holmes taking a turn as Bruce's closest childhood friend, and present-day hard-nosed damsel-in-a-little-distress. Yes, she gets captured, and yes, she gets rescued by Batman. Big surprise there. Oh, and Katie's character totally loves the new-style Bruce Wayne, btw. Much to-do has been made about Katie's presence in this role, and to be honest, she wasn't that impressive. Honestly, any attractive, innocent-looking actress around her age could have played the part.

And a surprisingly normal Gary Oldman turns up as a police sergeant named James Gordon, who becomes an unwitting ally of Batman's in his fight to clean up the city.

So Bruce, as Batman, gets his game and his gear all put together, and does what he can to solve the problem at hand -- the actions set into motion by the bad guys. It isn't a perfect fix, and there are clearly still a lot of horrible problems left to deal with after the immediate crisis is abated. Lots of people got dosed with the fear, and that isn't fixed. Most of the police force is, erm, missing from action. Huge chunks of the city have been completely decimated as collateral damage.

The Dark Knight has returned, and he's done it with style.
..........

*Willybean and I went to see Hellboy on it's opening night, and ended up sitting in the very front left, a couple of seats from the edge of the left side of the screen. Let's just say that it was awkward following the action, and gave me a headache from all the contorting in the chair and whatnot.

**Ravey was complaining the next day on the air that the movie was only so-so, because it wasn't action-packed enough, and had too much exposition.

Um hi, the title Batman Begins implies exposition. Lots and lots and lots of exposition, thus the whole use of the word BEGINS, dumb ass. Begin = not actively being something, but instead starting to become something.

I emailed their show and asked if she had eyeballs in her head, because if the exposition had been boring to her, she should have enjoyed the eyecandy, Christian Bale. Mmm. Even mud and scruffy can't make him any less tasty.

***I am pleased to announce that Christian Bale has body fat again. Not a lot, but just enough to make him look softly human. In the movies Equilibrium and American Psycho, Christian was so lean that he looked hard-edged and almost inhuman. (I think Madonna looks a lot like this now, too.) His skin was tight and drawn, and his beautiful high cheekbones looked like more like sharpened weapons than genetically-blessed assets. And he looked old. Not Rutger Hauer old, not George Hamilton old, but definitely no longer filled with the softness of youth.

For the role of The Machinist, Christian lost so much weight that he was literally skin and bones, and for this movie, through an amazing regimen of diet and exercise, he's back in good form. Excellent form. Delicious and tantalizing form. Ahem. He's got enough body fat now that while he is cut and in excellent shape, he's also fully capable of playing a spoiled rich boy, kept softened by the lush life. Also, the cape and the cowl are all hard edges, and a less-rigid jawline adds that bit of humanity that a Batman needs.

****Of course, as Hollywood must, when it converts something with an established backstory into film, the villians are presented as glamorized versions of themselves, and are introduced to the Batman storyline a long time before they really would have been involved in the history of Batman's life. Factually speaking, ie: according to Batman Canon, Ra's al Ghul doesn't even really meet Batman until he was added to the mix in 1971. Batman meets Talia, Ra's's daughter, and meets Ra's through her. Ra's perceived Batman to be a good candidate for marriage to Talia, thus becoming the heir to his legacy, and they even worked together for a while until Batman realized that Ra's's goals were vastly divergent from his own, and has since spent much of his career thwarting Ra's's nefarious plans. The Scarecrow, aka Dr. Jonathan Crane, introduced in 1941, started out as a university professor studying phobias, and ended up a criminal mastermind with a propensity for psychological manipulations and a keen interested in the pharmaceutical properties of hallucinogens. He created a fear-inducing hallucinogenic compound that has figured largely in his reign of crime, and is probably what his is most known for in the Batverse. And he's never run Arkham, but he has definitely been a resident in the Asylum.

tomkatting around.

...i have mixed feelings

06.12.05

My thoughts on Tom-Kat*.

I generally feel that you should do whatever you want in life. As long as it doesn't harm anyone else, or break any laws**.

Ergo, I feel that you should date whomever you wish, unless they are already involved with someone else and it would hurt the third party, or the intended datee is jail-bait.

I suppose a 26-year old can totally date a 42-year old.

However, in 1983, when 21 year-old Tom Cruise was dancing around his parent's living room to "Old Time Rock & Roll," wearing a pink oxford shirt and tighty-whiteys, 5-year old Katie Holmes was in KINDERGARTEN.

That means, she shouldn't have seen the unedited version of this film until it had been out for like 10 years.

And when 24-year old Tom Cruise, as Pete Maverick, was aerially assaulting the hearts of teenage girls (and boys) everywhere, 8-year old Katie Holmes was probably a Brownie***.

Granted, she was probably allowed to see this movie at that age, but still.

Maybe it's sweet that she's finally getting a crack at her schoolgirl crush.

She said it herself last year, in a magazine interview, pre-Cruise, "I think every little girl dreams about her wedding. I used to think I was going to marry Tom Cruise."

And his recent reply to this is, "Well I don't want to disappoint her. I'm going to discuss it with her. Honestly, I haven't had this kind of experience before."

More power to them, I guess.

The whole kindergarten thing still kind of squicks me, though.

I don't really know.
..........

*In case you live under a rock, I'm talking about the "super couple," Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes. As an aside, what's the deal with giving all the hot celeb couples a cutesy nickname? First we had Bennifer, then Bennifer 2, and now we have Bradgelina and Tom-Kat. Blech.

**I'm a little flexible on the law-breaking bit, but it's generally true.

***You know, the Girl Scout junior junior league.(There's already a Junior Girl Scouts.) When you're too young to be an actual Girl Scout, you get to be a Brownie.

I was a Brownie. I sold cookies. I remember eating a lot of cookies, too.

I think even Short-Round was a Brownie, although she may have been a Girl Scout. I'm not certain. I just remember her being my source for Lemon Pastry Cremes. (I firmly believe that moms only get their little girls involved in the program to gain easy access to the cookies. Leadership abilities, team-building, life skills? Pshaw. Thin Mints, Do-Si-Dos®, Samoas®, Tagalongs®? You bet your bottom dollar.)

askpixie - vacation email

askpixie.

06.11.05

Please hold all e-mail til July 5th, as I will be on vacation. I will contact you when I'm back and ready for your wonderful e-mails.

Marian

Dear Marian,

I hope that you have a wonderful vacation. Make sure to take lots of photos!

I look forward to hearing from you, and I can't wait to hear all of your crazy vacation stories!

Just make sure to hold all your emails until after July 10, because when you're coming back from vacation, I will just be starting mine! What a coincidence!

Now, wait. Who are you again?

I mean, is this some sort of subversive spam that I don't understand, meant to drive me crazy?

Or is this just mis-directed email?

Ah, nevermind. Just bring me back a t-shirt or something.

-- pixie

do you have a question for askpixie? mail: askpixie(at)pixiemartin(dot)com

(if you want to know about some form of thermal relaxing, click here.)

If pixie can't help, you're screwed.™

(disclaimer: as you can imagine, askpixie is not a licensed therapist, nor is she a doctor of anything. she has, however, had enough problems in her life, and enough damn therapy, that she can pretty much handle most of what you could probably throw at her. and whatever she can't directly answer herself, she will do her best to find an answer for you elsewhere. unless otherwise noted, all thoughts and opinions expressed herein, therein, and whereverin you're looking, are © pixiemartin, 2005. you gotta problem with that, punk?)

accomplishment pleasures

...i get proud over silly things

06.10.05

On a daily basis, I have a set schedule of things that I need to accomplish. Generally, I forget to do most of them, and then have to remind myself to do them later.

Which generally happens a couple of days to weeks later.

And when I finally do whatever I was supposed to have done a couple of days to weeks earlier, I get all inordinately pleased with myself.

Like when I was supposed to cancel my membership in one of those credit protection programs that is free for the first 30 days and gets you a free credit report? At least a 45 days later, I not only remembered to do it, but also follow through and get it accomplished. And I felt a certain sense of perverse pleasure at telling the guy that the reason I was cancelling it was because I only did it in the first place for the free credit report. (Which really turned out to cost $11.95, but is still cheaper than paying for a regular 3-bureau report.)

Or when I finally renewed my license plate sticker and city parking sticker, at least a month after I had meant to, I felt a warm glow. Granted, I still had a couple of weeks left in the renewal window, but still.

You can only imagine how pleased I am with myself when I do the laundry or clean out the littler box, let me tell you. Or maybe I won't.

channels 62 and 63, i love you.

...it made me say wow

06.09.05

As you may know, I really like to watch Food Network and HGTV.

Right now I'm totally addicted to Crafters Coast to Coast and Debbie Travis' Painted House.
I also enjoy Sensible Chic. Debbie Travis' Facelift is also another love, but it also on at irregular times, and I think I may have already seen all the episodes. CCtC & DTPH are on every weekday, back to back, so I can tape them and enjoy them later.

And it isn't like I don't like pretty much everything HGTV has to offer, but there are a few exceptions. I hate House Detective, House Hunters, Designing for the Sexes, Decorating Cents, and Room by Room. Out of 50 or so shows available, that isn't really a lot of things to dislike.

On the Food Network, I like to watch about anything that Tyler Florence gets his hands into -- Food 911, Tyler's Ultimate, How to Boil Water, etc., and I'm a big fan of Everyday Italian, Chocolate with Jacques Torres, Paula's Home Cooking, Molto Mario, & Sweet Dreams*.

I'm a little more selective about Food Network programming, because a great deal of the 60+ shows they offer are crap, and a lot of the chefs hosting the shows just plain bug me.

I'm sure that Bobby Flay's a super dude, but he is so smug that I wanna smack him most of the time. Wolfgang Puck is just so tired -- he's become a classic chef cliche. Alton Brown is too nerdy -- he cares a little bit too much more about the whys and wherefores of food, and how it's made on a chemical and physical level, than I do. The physics and chemistry behind baking cookies just doesn't thrill me enough, I guess. And Emeril just plain bothers the crap out of me. Bam this, weenis.

But what I 'm mostly into now is the Food Challenge shows. Like Challenge: Wedding Cake Classic, Food Network's Wedding Cake Challenge, Challenge: Vegas Pastry Battle, Challenge: Chocolate Competition, Challenge: World Pastry Championship, National Pastry Team Championship, Extreme Pastry, World's Best Pastry, etc.

I don't know why, but I really like the pastry and cake challenges the best. Especially the wedding cakes, because people can do some pretty fucking amazing stuff with icing, fondant, marzipan, moldable chocolate and a cake.

My favorite cake designer is Colette Peters, who does amazingly fantastical work. Not all of her work is surreal and fantastical, but I like that kind best.

Oh, and if I ever manage to get myself married, this is totally the kind of cake that I want. Gerber daisies and a fairy topper? Couldn't be better. True, it isn't Colette's Cake, but I'll probably never be able to afford that kind, anyway.

P.S. What do you have to do to deserve a cake like this? Wow.
..........

*Sweet Dreams is hosted by Gale Gand, the pastry chef from Tru, here in Chicago. She made my birthday cake last year, and it tasted damned fantastic. And Tif got me this cookbook for Christmas, which I plan to delve into this summer.

titty polka.

...i miss the titty polka*

06.08.05

This is one of the mutitude of reasons that I miss Dana J. Robinson.

And this is, too.

Plus, she smelled nice and went to strip clubs with me.

I don't have anyone to get boob-slapped and lap-danced with anymore.

I miss that.

I can't imagine Tifling hitting Pole Katz with me any time soon. And maybe Meredith might be up to the task, but she's kinda growing up these days, so you never know. She gardens now.

Thank the Lord that HBO regularly runs reality shows about strippers, porn stars, and practioners of deviant sexual activities. It's not quite the same, but still. It makes me misty.
..........

*We Like to Party by the Vengaboys.

bloggery.

...blogger isn't so bad after all

06.07.05

The primary plus I've noted with blogger, thus far, is that it's easier than hell to use.

However, as I've said before, my .html-fu is lacking, so tailoring my blog to suit my wants and needs is going to take a little time.

Oh hell, it'll probably take a lot of time. And probably a lot of studying of other people's blog source code.

And in the very near future, i'll have completely moved over to blogging, instead of updating my old-school site.

Change is scary, but I gotta move with the times. I can whip a post out here in like 1/4 the time I can there, and you don't have to experience the sizeable gaps between entries, forcing you to use the archives to navigate.

They all just link up together in order, and make some room when you have something new to add.

So, yay for progress, I guess.

askpixie - googling education for others

askpixie

06.04.05

Hi, I am trying to find a beauty school that I can attend...I am moving to Mammoth Lakes and wanted to know if you knew the closest school I can attend while living there..Thank you!

Querent,

I don't live anywhere near California, so I don't really know anything about the schools out there, much less where to find them.

If you consult http://www.beautyschoolsdirectory.com, which I found through googling "california beauty schools," you have a far better chance of finding what you are looking for there.

Good luck.

-- pixie

do you have a question for askpixie? mail:
askpixie(at)pixiemartin(dot)com

(if you want to know about some form of thermal relaxing, click here.)

If pixie can't help, you're screwed.™

(disclaimer: as you can imagine, askpixie is not a licensed therapist, nor is she a doctor of anything. she has, however, had enough problems in her life, and enough damn therapy, that she can pretty much handle most of what you could probably throw at her. and whatever she can't directly answer herself, she will do her best to find an answer for you elsewhere. unless otherwise noted, all thoughts and opinions expressed herein, therein, and whereverin you're looking, are © pixiemartin, 2005. you gotta problem with that, punk?)

cocos carcharias.

...coco loco

06.03.05

From the Daily Reflector:

According to Paul Barrington, director of husbandry and operations at the North Carolina Aquarium at Fort Fisher, "Visitors coming to the beach in North Carolina shouldn't be overly concerned with an encounter with a shark," Barrington said. "They'll have far more perils driving to the beach than they would with a shark."

In fact, Barrington said, studies have concluded Americans are far more likely to get bitten by a domesticated pig than by a shark. Furthermore, he said, U.S. residents can expect to be killed by falling coconuts more often than they'll be killed by sharks.

Tifling forwarded the article to me in an email, her sole commentary, "COCONUTS."

You know, I've heard a lot of things compared to the rarity of a shark attack -- you're more likely to die in a auto accident on the way to the beach than be attacked by a shark, you're more likely to die from a peanut allergy than to be attacked by a shark, you're more likely to be hit by lightning than be attacked by a shark, you're more likely to be killed by a dog than be attacked by a shark, you're much more likely to be hurt by a stingray or a jellyfish than a shark, etc., but this is definitely the first time I've heard the coconut comparison.

Another thing that amuses me, in relation to shark attacks, is that local fishermen in the New Jersey area doubt that a local teen was bitten by a great white, despite expert identification of the bite characteristics matching that of a great white.

One of them even went so far to say that he'd been a fisherman in the area for 7 years, and had yet to actually see a shark.

Another fisherman said he doubted it was a great white as he'd never seen one in the water, and that he'd only ever caught one small hammerhead, and a few small dog sharks.

However, Bob Schoelkopf, director of the Marine Mammal Stranding Center in Brigantine, said he believed great whites frequently come to Brigantine Bay to give birth in the spring and, "...if they find good feeding, they may be up here all summer long."

I've also read that one of the larger great white nurseries is off the coast of the Atlantic seaboard, and the entire east coast is ranging area for the great white. Hell, it's the ranging area for a lot of different sharks, including the bull shark, who seems to particularly delight in attacking people all up and down the eastern seaboard, and well into the Gulf.

You still won't catch me in the water, regardless of the improbability of an attack. I'm one of those people that truly unlikely things happens to, so you never know, and I'm perfectly fine in swimming pools, thank you.

fleeting time.

...i feel time fly by

06.02.05

At dinner tonight, Willybean asked me if I wanted to go to the same place for dinner on my birthday that we did last year, or if I wanted to try someplace else.

This year is flying by so fast, that I hadn't even realized my birthday is coming up in 5 weeks. Cripes.

Next think you'll know, I'll be soliciting for Christmas presents*.

I liked Tru a great deal, but maybe somewhere else would be equally nice.

I told him that we all could go wherever he wanted to go, because he was paying.

However, I was awfully crushed that I missed dinner with them at Tru on New Year's Eve.
..........

*And I mean the "to seek by persuasion or entreaty" kind of solicitation.

Not the "whoring in exchange for largess" kind.

skincare gratis

...i better look good after all this effort

06.01.05

Today, a factory rep came in from Klein-Becker, to give a powerpoint demo for their products Strivectin-SD, and their latest endeavor, Hylexin.

Pappy and I of course joined in, both because we were available, but also because people constantly ask us for skincare recommendations.

And for our time, we were given 2 oz bottles of Strivectin-SD, and a full-size tube of Hylexin. A 6 oz bottle of Strivectin-SD runs like $135, and the Hylexin retails for $95, so that was a good haul.

It's not like I am a wrinkle factory or anything, but I'm concerned about my the skin on my face because I am vain.

I can't help that I'm short, or that I have disproportionally muscular thighs and calves compared to my waifish upper body's tiny boobies and visible ribs. I can't really help that I am so fricking pasty-ass white. Or that when my legs are cold, my skin resembles that of a plucked chicken, from the hip to ankle. I can't really help that I grew too fast and have horrible stretch marks all over my hips and ass -- fortunately I am almost as white as the shade of off-white that scar tissue turns when the pink fades, so they don't stick out that badly.

I can, however, do something about my large pores and breakouts. I can do something about my flaky yet oily skin, the circles under my eyes, the various scars, and the fine lines and wrinkles that I have started noticing as of late.

Mostly, I can utilize concealer and sundry powders to effect the look of smooth, porcelain skin.

Everyone tells me that I have beautiful skin, but I don't believe them, because they're wrong.

But up close, I have horrible skin.

I have pink acne scars, chicken pox scars, the scars that run across my filtrum and up around the corner of my nose, fine lines and wrinkles, shadows, a nose shiny enough to see from space, and ever-increasing pores. I don't want to see uneven pigmentation and visible pores.

So, now I'm using my new skin products to help remedy many of those things.

And here is what I learned about Strivectin-SD and Hylexin from the rep:

1. Because the product's packaging is marketed towards the stretch-marked demographic, it isn't specific about facial application, and as a result, people tend to overuse the product. For your entire face and neck, you should be using no more than a pea-sized amount per application. Anything more than that, and you are using way, way too much.

2. You should use a moisturizer after applying a small amount of the product. Despite the hydrating agents in the formulation, it really isn't intended to be used on the face as a stand-alone moisturizer. If you are using the proper amount of product, it shouldn't be working as a moisturizer or make you feel greasy.

3. When I asked how long you should wait before applying moisturizer, I was told that if you are using the proper amount of Strivectin, it should immediately absorb into the skin, and that you can apply moisturizer immedately afterwards.

4. People that have sensitive eyes or have sensitive skin around their eyes may have problems with the product due to the aromatic oils in it. Their eye cream is the exact same formula sans irritants. Also, I was told that the company has a product called Hylexin that is meant specifically to treat dark eye circles and puffiness. And we're talking genetically-programmed circles -- lots of people of Mediterranean extraction tend to have this problem. However, the Hylexin is about the same price as a small pony, so you might want to take that into consideration.

5. Strivectin is hypoallergenic and opthamologist-tested, but it does have a lot of botanical ingredients that may irritate some people's skin. As an example, mint can be overstimulating for some people, and some people probably have an allergy to one or more of the listed ingredients. (I know someone that used a tea tree foot soak that his girlfriend got him because he was a bartender and stood on his feet all the time, and then found out in from the people in the ER that he was incredibly allergic to tea tree. As you can imagine, he took some time off work to recuperate while the soles of his feet regenerated.) Unfortunately, not everyone is going to be able to use the product because everyone's skin isn't the same. Hell, I have very sensitive skin, so I may not even end up liking the product for these exact reasons. (Oh, and they don't test on animals, for the people that are concerned about that. They test on people.)

6. In terms of scar and stretch mark healing, the rep told me that she had a fairly significant scar across her forehead and down into her eyebrow. All that was visible to casual viewing was the nick in the brow where the hair was missing, so I thought she was full of it. However, she moved into an area that had very bright lighting, and pulled the skin on her forehead taut, and you could actually see where the scar was by the difference in skin texture -- it didn't look like scar tissue, but more like skin with a slightly thinner and shinier texture. I was also informed that it is supposed to help with acne scarring, chicken pox scarring, and should help make the pores in age-coarsened skin look smoother and less visible.

7. Much like many products on the market for a variety of reasons, if you stop using Strivectin, the more temporary results go away. Wrinkles and dark circles around the eyes will most likely come back, and plumped skin will look thinner. However, once scar tissue and stretch marks are faded, uneven pigmentation is corrected, or any of that sort of skin flaw is dealt with, the results are essentially permanent. However, if the skin damage is as a result of something that can be caused again -- let's say uneven pigmentation in the skin from sun damage or stretch marks from pregnancy, results should be lasting unless you again engage in whatever behavior created the problem in the first place, ie: get your hiney back out into the sun and create more damage, or get pregnant again and make that area stretch back out.

8. Strivectin has a generous return policy -- if you are dissatisfied with the product for any reason, you can return it within 30 days and get a full refund. I am fairly sure this won't apply to most online vendors, however, brick-and-mortar stores that have more stringent return policies are supposed to have an agreement with Strivectin to take back the product without question, regardless of amount used -- as long as it's in the first 30 days, and with proof of purchase.

As an aside, lots of people get weird about returning products that they have used and disliked to their respective stores of purchase. As a consumer, you have the right to return a product that you dislike, provided that you meet return requirements -- some places require receipt, original packaging, 50% or more of the product left in the container, have a time frame for returns, etc. If you are going to pony up serious bank for something and you hate it, can't see results, or it creates unwanted problems, get your money back, fool*.

Personally, I tried the Go Smile teeth whitening system, and while I was actually impressed with the whitening action, I was less than impressed with the way that it ate large raw holes in my gums. You better bet that I returned it to get my $65 back -- and this was at the place I worked, no less.

I'm also running a personal study, where I rub Strivectin-SD over one section of stretch marks on my hip, and regular moisturizing body lotion over the comparable section of scarred flesh on the other side of my body.

And I'll let you know in a month if I see any difference.

I am more than willing to spend a little money to permanently get rid of stretch marks, and if it works, I'll also be more than happy to maintain less-flawed skin for $22.50 a month. That's a hell of a lot cheaper than the Retin-A Micro and Clindamax regimen I'm following now, and I won't need a prescription.
..........

*If you are worried about effecting the store's bottom line, most companies have arrangements with their distributors to take back returned products for credit, so you aren't jacking up the prices of the items in the store by bringing back some face cream. Shoplifters and thieving employees cause that sort of thing, so don't fret. It's the shady bastards actually working in the store that create the largest amount of company shrink, although shoplifters do a fine bit of damage.

And, if you're embarassed about making a return for fear that the people in the store are judging you, look at it this way: you can afford to purchase a $135 stretch mark cream, and they probably can't. Thus the internal theft. People that can't afford to shop at stores often work at them for the discounts, if they're younger. And if they're older and you're worried about them judging you, dude, they're working retail. It's not like it is the most glamorous of trades. Sure, no toilets are being scrubbed, but running a register or pimping skin cream isn't really that sexy, either.

mock me and perish.

...something new and different

06.01.05

Okay, I'm making a stab at blogging.

I can't figure out how to do a lot of things yet, because apparently I currently lack the .html-fu necessary to do that sort of thing.

Working from a template has turned out to be about equally liberating and limiting.

Lots of frustration either way.

It took me like 5+ hours to get this stupid thing set up on my host site, and I spent hours and hours trying to get archiving to work, before giving up.

After hours of trying and retrying combinations of things, I noticed a / missing at the beginning of one line.

The archives work now.

Other things will work later after much more effort, I'm sure.