apparently i'm an authority now.

I was cited as a source on spastay.com, regarding eyelash crap.

How surreal.

rude things.

I'm not entirely sure whether Cricket pestering me whilst I am asleep in the wee-hours looking for attention is her way of getting back at me for scritching her head when she's in the litter box making concentrate-y faces and can't really do much else, or if the scritching is my way of paying her attentions back at a time that she finds terribly inconvenient and irritating.

a parable, if you will.

(inspired by a conversation on Matty's site)

I hired a new stylist this last week, and he is very sweet. He is an incredibly professionally experienced, 48-year old Puerto Rican stylist and make-up artist that not only performs in drag, but also professionally styles other drag queens. He is also very gay, and very Christian.

Friday, the two of us were talking about the differences in people, which went on a tangent about people's belief systems. To illustrate some point he was making, he told me a version of a parable concerning two young eagles and a bunch of turkeys. Another version of the parable, presumably the more religious of the two can be found here.

The version I was told:

Two young eagles -- a boy and a girl, fell out of a nest, and were found by a bunch of turkeys, who took them in as a part of the group.

Being young, the eagles didn't know what made them different, and tried to fit in the best they could.

The first rule of being a turkey that the two were taught was that you should only eat the berries from the bush, and never from the ground.

When asked why, the turkeys told them that they had always only eaten from the bush, because that is what had always be done.

After a while of living as a turkey, the male eagle expressed to the head turkey that he wanted to learn to fly, and was told that turkeys don't need to fly.

Dissatisfied with this answer, the male eagle told the female eagle that he wanted to leave and find a better way.

She resisted because she felt comfortable only eating berries off the bush, and never trying to fly, so he went out on his own to find the truth.

After a while, he came across another group of turkeys, who again took him in as one of their own.

And the first rule of being a turkey in their group that he was taught was that you only eat the berries from the ground, and never from the bush.

When asked why, the turkeys told him that they had always only eaten from the ground, because the berries on the ground are definitely ripe, but the ones on the bush aren't guaranteed to be so.

And again after living with the turkeys for a while, the male eagle expressed to the head turkey that he wanted to learn to fly.

This time, he was told that while turkeys didn't need to fly, they could teach him to sort of jump and flap furiously, but that they didn't know how to really fly.

And it was suggested that maybe he should visit the wise old owl, because he flew every night.

When the male eagle told the owl that he was a turkey, but wanted to learn to fly, the owl laughed at him.

The owl told him that he wasn't a turkey, but was in fact an eagle, and that he could already fly -- he just needed to spread his wings and go.

So the eagle did.

And the entire time I was being told this parable, I kept thinking over and over and over again about the following quote from the movie Heathers:

"If you want to fuck with the eagles, you better learn to fly.*"

Which I didn't mention, mostly because it was neither germane to the conversation, nor particularly work appropriate.

I also wanted to ask if the eagle went on to hunt the turkeys and eat them, but I didn't have the heart, because he was being so sincere.

I just nodded my head a lot and said, "Uh-huh." a great many times.
____________________

*The entire quote is actually:

"Dear Diary: Heather says she teaches people real life, she says "real life sucks losers dry. If you wanna fuck with the eagles, you better learn to fly." I said, "So you teach people to spread their wings and fly?" She said, "Yes." I said, "You're beautiful.""

this doesn't sound anything like me at all...

Portrait of an ISFP - Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving
(Introverted Feeling with Extraverted Sensing)
The Artist

As an ISFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your value system. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in via your five sense in a literal, concrete fashion.

ISFPs live in the world of sensation possibilities. They are keenly in tune with the way things look, taste, sound, feel and smell. They have a strong aesthetic appreciation for art, and are likely to be artists in some form, because they are unusually gifted at creating and composing things which will strongly affect the senses. They have a strong set of values, which they strive to consistently meet in their lives. They need to feel as if they're living their lives in accordance with what they feel is right, and will rebel against anything which conflicts with that goal. They're likely to choose jobs and careers which allow them the freedom of working towards the realization of their value-oriented personal goals.

ISFPs tend to be quiet and reserved, and difficult to get to know well. They hold back their ideas and opinions except from those who they are closest to. They are likely to be kind, gentle and sensitive in their dealings with others. They are interested in contributing to people's sense of well-being and happiness, and will put a great deal of effort and energy into tasks which they believe in.

ISFPs have a strong affinity for aesthetics and beauty. They're likely to be animal lovers, and to have a true appreciation for the beauties of nature. They're original and independent, and need to have personal space. They value people who take the time to understand the ISFP, and who support the ISFP in pursuing their goals in their own, unique way. People who don't know them well may see their unique way of life as a sign of carefree light-heartedness, but the ISFP actually takes life very seriously, constantly gathering specific information and shifting it through their value systems, in search for clarification and underlying meaning.

ISFPs are action-oriented individuals. They are "doers", and are usually uncomfortable with theorizing concepts and ideas, unless they see a practical application. They learn best in a "hands-on" environment, and consequently may become easily bored with the traditional teaching methods, which emphasize abstract thinking. They do not like impersonal analysis, and are uncomfortable with the idea of making decisions based strictly on logic. Their strong value systems demand that decisions are evaluated against their subjective beliefs, rather than against some objective rules or laws.

ISFPs are extremely perceptive and aware of others. They constantly gather specific information about people, and seek to discover what it means. They are usually penetratingly accurate in their perceptions of others.

ISFPs are warm and sympathetic. They genuinely care about people, and are strongly service-oriented in their desire to please. They have an unusually deep well of caring for those who are close to them, and are likely to show their love through actions, rather than words.

ISFPs have no desire to lead or control others, just as they have no desire to be led or controlled by others. They need space and time alone to evaluate the circumstances of their life against their value system, and are likely to respect other people's needs for the same.

The ISFP is likely to not give themself enough credit for the things which they do extremely well. Their strong value systems can lead them to be intensely perfectionist, and cause them to judge themselves with unneccesary harshness.

The ISFP has many special gifts for the world, especially in the areas of creating artistic sensation, and selflessly serving others. Life is not likely to be extremely easy for the ISFP, because they take life so seriously, but they have the tools to make their lives and the lives of those close to them richly rewarding experiences.

my birthday activities.

1. Many times during the hours between 4:30 am & 8:30 am, I was mauled with noisy love-seeking from Cricket.
2. At 9:30 am, I got up, & I made the bed.
   
3. I abluted and popped my handful of pills.
4. I changed my ringtone to Super Mario Bros.
   
5. I was well-wished by my family.
6. I finally received a package of birthday goodness from Matty.
   
7. I puttered around on junkbbs.
8. I got dressed and gussied up my general appearance.
9. I drove to Lincolnwood, and had lunch at Olive Garden. I ate the zuppa toscana and salad, and drank a raspberry lemonade. I also felt a little lame.
10. I drove to Best Buy and used my Reward Zone certificates to purchase Spirited Away, which I have never actually seen all the way through without constant commercial interruptions.
11. I drove to Target and bought new 4 new pillows. I also bought 3 Sterilite under-bed storage boxes, 2 kitchen fatigue mats with roosters on them, 3 bowls of microwave brownies, and a 3-pack of cinnamint Orbit gum.
12. I purchased a strawberry mango smoothie and a bottle of nectarine white tea snapple at the concession stand.
    
13. I then went out to the car, where I realized that I was missing the bag with the brownies and the gum, and went back in for it, only to discover the weirdo in line behind me had apparently made off with it, probably by accident, but you never know.
    
14. I got 3 more brownie mixes and a pack of gum, and was checked out.
15. I drove home, where I ended up having a long conversation with my landlord, Mike, about how the city made him get rid of the stuff piled up behind the building as storage, and bemoaned the lack of general storage in the building.
    
16. I put the new pillows in cases and threw away the old pillows. I also put everything else away where it belongs.
17. I changed into pajamas.
    
18. I rearranged some underbed storage.
19. I ate half a medium bag of almond m&ms.
20. I rearranged furniture.
    
21. I watered the plants.
22. I watched a lot of Discovery Channel about the activities in KV-63, and how they relate to KV-54.
    
23. I shredded half of the shredding that I've been stockpiling.
24. I waved a feathery toy thing on a string and a stick for a long time whilst Posey happily chased it around like a little crazy person.
    
25. I watched Venture Bros. & Family Guy.
26. I cleaned out the litter box.
    
27. I did this.
28. I abluted and went to bed, where I intend to work on a crossword puzzle and then sleep.

i've now officially outlived jesus.

And me, I'm rocking some super serious pizza face.

My skin looks like I'm 15 again, and not in a nice way.

i'm not exactly certain why...

but for some strange reason, it makes me feel old to see Dermot Mulroney playing middle-aged roles.

I still see him as the guy that gets passed over for someone more mature, and now he's playing the role of the guys that get the girls that he didn't used to get.

It's all very perplexing.

something i tried once...

Once upon a time, I came up with the idea of " The Pixiemartin Lifestyle Fund," the premise of which was the following:

As far as ways to spend money, might I suggest participating in a new organization in the spirit of groups like The Christian Children's Fund, or the Adopt-A-Whale Program? I like to call it "The Pixiemartin Lifestyle Fund." For a certain donation each month, you can sponsor an important part of my lifestyle, and in return each month, you will receive pictures and letters from your sponsored item.

Examples?

• For $15/mo, you can help provide cellular support via the Pink Barbie Phone.
• For $25/mo, you can help provide hours of entertainment through the Big Talking Picture Box.
• And more!

For a larger, one-time donation, you can adopt and name a larger item, like the car or a piece of furniture, and receive a special certificate in recognition of your support.

Sadly, it did not fly, much less take off in any way shape or form.

And then this morning, I was thinking of all the thousands of dollars that I owe -- or would like to owe -- various medical establishments, and I was reconsidering the viability of the fund.

For less than $1 a day, you could help maintain a reasonable air temperature in this studio!
Think about the kitties and their little fur coats!

For less than $2 a day, you could make it possible for me to talk to people that aren't on the television or that happen to be cats, all without leaving the confines of this studio!

For about $5 a day, you can help keep it possible for me to coordinate online bill payments, entertain others as I mock strangers, or even help expand my intellect through the order and purchase of books from Amazon!

For a one-time, non-tax deductible donation of $1000, you could be awarded the status of Porcelain Crown Patron, and have a bridge and a crown named for you or a loved one!